November 09, 2007
The Annual Passive-Aggressive Weblog Awards “Post,” or Vote for Us, Please!
[Note: The following “post” will appear atop this humble “weblog” for the duration of the 2007 Weblog Awards voting. To cast your ballot for our storied Internet outfit, go here. Remember: You can vote once a day for the duration of the contest. For more recent knee-slapping material, scroll down below.]
Oh, dear: It’s happened again. For the third straight year, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” have become finalists in the Weblog Awards. Although the powers-that-be at Wizbang have renamed our category this time around, we are essentially competing for the very same award as we have in years past: Best Humor Blog.
Longtime reader(s) of this humble “weblog” undoubtedly recognize that this is the cause of much consternation for us crack young staffers. And no wonder: In the voting for the last two Weblog Awards, we were heartily trounced. To empathize with our plight, you’d have to be a member of the Kansas City Royals, for crying out loud.
To be more specific, in the 2005 fiasco, we were beaten like a red-headed step-child. You can count all the “weblogs” we beat on no fingers. Though we performed a mite better in the following year’s contest, we still wound up in the middle of the pack.
It is with much excitement and trepidation, then, that we aim for three straight years of utter futility. If we manage to pull off another stunning defeat, we may be the Lyndon LaRouche of the “weblogosphere”—perennial candidates, perennial losers, perennial lunatics.
And what can you, dear reader, do to ameliorate our vexing situation? Well, we’re glad you asked. All you must do is vote for us in typical Mayor Daley fashion—early, often, and even when deceased. With your help, we may improve upon our ghastly performances in previous contests.
Instead of being the Mike Gravel of the Internet, we may even reach the storied level of, say, Dennis Kucinich. Or even Joe Biden—though you can rest assured that, unlike Sen. Biden, all our material and hair are our own.
In order to prove what e-worthies we are, we forthwith bestow upon you a veritable cornucopia of awe-inspiring “posts” from this year’s bumper crop of goodness. Before you plump for one of our rivals, check out some of this brilliance:
Change the Channel Like Beckham
Ah, yes: What striking e-genius, if we must say so ourselves. So vote for us, please. If you don’t, rest assured that the terrorists win.
