Mug Shot

Perhaps, dear reader, you heard about the recent non-mugging of left-wing radio host Randi Rhodes in New York City. As has been spread around the ole’ Internets, fellow Air America host Jon Elliot claimed that Ms. Rhodes would not be present at her radio gig because she was the victim of a brutal mugging. For good measure, he insinuated that the evil right-wing conspiracy was behind Ms. Rhodes’ misfortune.

Doesn’t sound good, does it? Ah, but then it turned out that Mr. Elliot was playing a little fast and loose with the truth. His story was entirely legit—except for the small matter of Ms. Rhodes’ mugging. Oh, and the evil right-wing stuff was a bogus insinuation too, since Ms. Rhodes was not in fact a crime victim. As they say in the men’s magazines produced for metrosexuals: Details, details.

Now, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” fully recognize what is surely the most vexing detail of this whole Randi-Rhodes-wasn’t-mugged storyline: Air America is still in business? We mean, come on: We thought that aural turd went belly up months ago, sometime around the time that Al Franken ceased to be funny.

But, hey, we guess this dubious radio network is the Terry Schiavo of the airwaves, if you’ll permit us to make a reference that displays appallingly bad taste and has at least a whiff of moral imbecility. (And we think you will.)

Well, we suppose that there are a few other points of interest in this whole Randi Rhodes brouhaha. First: Wasn’t Randi Rhodes the bassist for Quiet Riot? If so, when did he become a really left-wing talk-show host? And, more to the point, when did he become a girl? Man, those rock stars sure are odd.

In addition, why did Mr. Elliot aim to make Ms. Rhodes the radio version of Crystal Gail Mangum? Didn’t he recognize that his whole Mike Nifong routine might backfire a bit? Just ask William Chafe, for crying out loud.

If Mr. Elliot was going to do his best dubious Durham District Attorney impression, you’d think that he’d go the whole way and really play it up. Charging the evil right-wing conspiracy for the mugging? How very Hillary Clinton circa 1999! How retardataire!

No, no: Mr. Elliot has it all wrong. You don’t blame the fascistic right-wing en toto; rather, you take aim at specific folks. That way your dimwitted charge has a ring of plausibility and the added bonus of ruining a few peoples’ lives.

In fact, we’re willing to do Mr. Elliot’s handiwork for him. Randi Rhodes was mugged, and three people on the Duke lacrosse team are responsible.

Let the lynching begin.