Celebrate Sameness

Are you, dear reader, anything like us? From our vantage point, it seems as if you are. Admittedly, though, our eyesight isn’t very strong.

Anyway, if you are anything like us—even remotely—you can be sure as sugar that one particular thing irritates you. We refer, of course, to the mindless American celebration of so-called “diversity,” as pushed by diversity apparatchiks all throughout these here United States.

You’ve seen the bumper stickers, dear reader: “Celebrate Diversity.” These are the orders of countless bureaucratic automatons who shill for the government, various non-profits, and the for-profit “diversity” police folks. These people don’t even tell you to “Celebrate Diversity If You Want To Do So”; oh, no: They aim to force you to tow their multicultural line, whether you want to or not.

And we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” have officially had enough. Yep: It’s official. As much as we despise any form of bigotry, we almost equally detest the pseudo-moral preening secular religiosity that surrounds the multiculturalists.

Further, we aim to do something about it. As you well know, our fine land is chock-a-block with useless folks called “Affirmative Action Officers,” “Diversity Specialists,” and “Diversity Trainers.”

These days, one can’t even attend college without being browbeaten by such multicultural true believers. They’re so committed to their faux ideals that they’d make the average Muslim fundamentalist blush.

If you ask us, it’s high time these obnoxious people got some competition. As such, we have come up with a delicious counterpoise to the “Diversity” movement. We call it the Sameness Movement, and it cherishes everything that the Diversity-heads loathe.

Pretty soon, we aim to launch our own Sameness Training Seminars, in which we force sundry businessmen, college kids, and government employees to “Celebrate Similarity.” We shall do our best to make this land safe for utter conformity.

And why not? Legions of senseless people are attempting to compel you to “appreciate difference”; shouldn’t you learn to love similarity too? Or at least verisimilitude.