God, We’re Good

As even casual book-readers know by now, atheism has recently caught on fire. (Pun on hellfire and damnation largely not intended.) Books denying His existence are selling like hotcakes. Perhaps the damned are more voracious readers?

Hence the visitor to his neighborhood bookstore sees umpteen copies of the following tomes: God Is Not As Great As Christopher Hitchens by Christopher Hitchens; The God Delusion: How the “Selfish Gene” Makes Perfect Sense But Yahweh Is an Obvious Fraud by Richard Dawkins; and The Denial of God and the Curse of “Family Feud” by Richard Dawson.

As far as we can intuit, if you’re willing to risk eternity in hell, you can make a really quick buck these days by ripping on organized religion. And this, according to some, is worth it—even if you’re compelled to stand next to Satan whilst listening to Billy Joel records forever. A high price indeed.

Naturally, these anti-God volumes serve as a corollary to the numerous titles in defense of particular faiths. You know, like Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis, Orthodoxy by G.K. Chesterton, and How to Build a Bomb by K. S. Mohammed. We’d wager that there’s still a heck of a market for such pious monographs.

Even so, dear reader, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” have recognized that a gap remains in the field of religious titles. Sure, there are oodles of anti-theist books and sundry theist books. But what about agnostics?

If you ask us, a rip-roaring polemic urging agnosticism on the part of its readership could even outsell that drink-sodden ex-Trotskyite popinjay Christopher Hitchens. All one must compose is a biting, mordant tome demonstrating why agnosticism is the only sensible route.

But there’s a bit of a problem with this. After all, as the sales figures show, only scabrous screeds on religion sell lots of copies. No one wants to read a careful, dry academic study that fails to simplify religion to the point of absurdity. And one might think that agnosticism, by its very nature, rebels from the spirit of polemic.

Ah, yet that’s where we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” come in. Below we’ve offered a variety of potential titles to agnostic jeremiads (if you will). These titles should stir up the blood and get an author’s creative juices flowing.

An Official List of Rip-Roaring Titles for Agnostic Polemics:

1) God May or May Not Be Great: It’s Difficult to Tell

2) We Cannot Determine for Certain Whether God Exists, Though, Sadly, We Know That Richard Dawkins Is Real

3) If God Exists, He Drinks a Lot Less Than Christopher Hitchens

4) If God Exists, Why Does Phil Collins?

5) Agnosticism: The Only Sort-of True Sort-of Non-Faith

6) Just in Case: Agnosticism, or Atheism for Wusses