You Got Some ‘Splainin’ To Do

For those of you unaware of recent international events (read: Americans), we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” must inform you that a horrible group of terrorist attacks just took place in Mumbai, India. As of this writing, over 100 people have been killed by jihad-inspired militants.

If you’re anything like us, dear reader, you’re probably thinking: Who would ever think that Muslims would carry out such atrocities? We know, we know—sometimes really strange things happen on God’s green (and increasingly warming) earth. As it turns out, some Muslims are a bit angry. Enraged, you might say. That’s news to us.

But before we start pointing fingers at a few nasty practitioners of the Religion of Peace, let us give thanks for one thing—Saint Barack will soon inhabit the White House. Oh, huzzah, huzzah: Soon all shall be well.

We mean, come on: Someone has to give these Indian jihadis a talking-to. Like Lucille Ball, they’ve sure got some ‘splainin’ to do.

Thankfully, these here United States of America will soon have as its leader a man thoroughly willing to talk to anyone without preconditions. And that includes, we hope, a handful of nasty jihadist dead-enders, if any of these brutes survive the aftermath of the attacks.

Wouldn’t you just love to be a fly on the wall when President Obama finishes his conversation with these misguided folks? Boy, they’ll feel awfully foolish, won’t they?

We can just see it now: A miserable pack of miserable Pakistani Islamists muttering to themselves: “What were we thinking? President Obama was totally correct: Terrorism is never going to bring us closer together.”

If we’re lucky, dear reader, Saint Obama (D-Mainstream Media) will cut short his colloquy with Raul Castro to have a heart-to-heart with these odious militants. There’s nothing the fancy-talking B. H. Obama can’t accomplish. And, we should add, he’s downright sexy too.

By the time he’s done with them, they’ll fully recognize the errors of their ways, and they’ll soon be donating money to gay marriage proponents worldwide.