January 05, 2009
Israel, Hamas, and the Typical Useless Idiots
Cue the mindless pseudo-humanitarians: The loveable scamps who collectively go by the name Hamas have finally gotten the Israeli government’s dander up and, as every sentient being well knows, are currently experiencing the slings and arrows of outrageous self-defense. As it turns out, those stingy residents of the “Zionist entity” don’t take too kindly to thousands of rockets launched at their civilians. Who would have thunk it?
Not, as it turns out, the typical cavalcade of useless idiots currently nattering on about Israeli “atrocities.” Yes, yes: Any time the Israelis take the trouble to defend themselves, and the familiar lunatics begin upbraiding them. As such, we’d wager that your daily paper currently features a few dimwitted missives to the editor chastising the Jewish state for its machinations and lamenting that—horror of horrors—the United States offers military assistance to beleaguered Israel. (For some reason, they’re none too worried about the cash Uncle Sam sends to, say, Egypt. Yep: That Mubarak fellow is a tried-and-true pro-American democrat.)
Normally, the anti-Israel ravings that besmirch your local daily are held by a moronic suburbanite who knows next-to-nothing about foreign policy. Their authors are the sorts of people who claim to despise war, though they more accurately contemn Western governments’ reactions to terrorist provocations. Hamas can attempt to kill and maim Israelis en masse, but, to these knuckle-dragging buffoons, war doesn’t start until the Jewish state responds. Palestinian rockets, we suppose, are filled with gumdrops and happiness.
Why is it that America seems to be chock-a-block with nitwits of the “Can’t We Just Fail to Respond to Violence and Call it Peace” school of political sanctimony? Some would argue that it’s because our nation’s newspapers simply drip with these sorts of sentiments. But we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” know better: Most Americans are well nigh functionally illiterate, so we doubt that armies of idiots are taking their cues from Maureen Dowd.
As if these sorts of anti-Israel choruses weren’t suitably obtuse, we must often watch them reach untold zeniths of ridiculousness with each passing day. Our current favorite appears on less respectable “websites”: Far-left outfits and professors’ “weblogs,” for instance. We’re sure you’ve seen it: The dubious link of any Israeli response to Nazi atrocities.
Ah, yes, that’s the ticket. Israel is just like Nazi Germany! Yes, yes: We’ve never seen a more apt historical analogy in our young lives. Thus the “genocide” of the Palestinians is occurring at such a break-neck pace that the Arabs hope soon to be able to dismantle the Jewish state by demographics alone. That’s when you know you’ve got a successful “genocide” brewing: When the victims of said atrocities are vastly out-breeding you.
