July 28, 2006

A Vacation and a Treat

For over two years, dear reader, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” have been providing you with oodles of yuks and tons of insight. If you have been tuning in to this “weblog” with regularity, undoubtedly our uproarious animadversions have compelled you to change your life. Or, barring that, your underwear. (Unless you’re French, of course.)

It is without much in the way of self-loathing, then, that we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” humbly declare that the week of Monday, July 31 to Friday, August 4 is our Official Vacation Week. Yes, on those days, we’ll be collectively heading to the beach in our fleet of Honda Civics for days replete with sun, fun, and frivolity. Just think: A staff of well over 250 people will party like it’s 1998. It’ll be just like Woodstock, only without the music, druggery, or fornication.

We know what you are thinking, dear reader: What am I going to do without the crack young staff? Sure, they can work on their tans whilst sipping spritzers to their hearts’ content—but what about me?

Naturally, we figured that it would prove very difficult for our regular reader(s) to go an entire week without our cheerful musings. Resorting to Sudoku or other forms of Asian torture just isn’t liable to cut it.

As a result, we wanted to soothe our savage readers into surviving a whole workweek without us. And we think we have just the thing: For July 31 to August 4, we have recruited the talents of one of the Internet’s prime “webloggers.”

No, not Glenn Reynolds. That ne’er-do-well wouldn’t know “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly” if it hit him on the head all night. Believe us: We’ve tried to spread the word to him. It’s been about as successful as Howard the Duck. And who the heck wants one-word “posts” like “Heh” on their “weblogs”? Not us, not us.

Rather, we refer to that storied e-eminence the Maximum Leader, proprietor of Naked Villainy. The Maximum Leader, for those of you who are foolish enough not to take in his “posts” regularly, possesses a twofold genius: He runs a dynamite “weblog” and he sports a stunning bejeweled floppy hat.

Devotees of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly” may recall that the Maximum Leader was kind enough to serve as our guest “weblogger” last year, during the move to our Official New Headquarters. He was so deliciously good, in fact, that—partly as the result of fan pressure—we named him an Official Honorary Member of the Crack Young Staff.

Yeah, dear reader, he’s that good. Why, just take in this lovely “post,” which the Maximum Leader contributed to last year’s festivities.

Ah, yes: You are going to enjoy our vacation, aren’t you? If you like it enough, you—like many of us—can purchase Naked Villainy thongs. Is there a better way to demonstrate your appreciation?

Posted at July 28, 2006 12:01 AM | TrackBack