Slow Jews Day?

As all of earth (and portions of Mercury) must know, violence has erupted in the Middle East, as Israel tries to ward off the provocations of Hezbollah, the charming Shi’ite terrorist group. It seems to us, dear reader, as if this recent conflict has well nigh eclipsed any and all other news stories worldwide.

Now, don’t get us wrong: The Israeli struggle to demolish the capabilities of this delightful Iran-backed terrorist outfit is most assuredly an important conflict. It is so important, in fact, that our friends on the radical Left have yet again joined sides with the Islamic fascists against civilization. Apparently radical lefties love anti-Israeli terrorism about as much as they savor Sharia law and abortion on demand. We wonder how that interesting congeries of desires will work out for them.

Even though the situation in Israel is of crucial import, we can’t help but notice that numerous other stories appear to be getting short shrift at this time. Last we heard, illegal immigration was something of a concern, as was the liberation of Iraq. Aren’t some folks dying there? We’ll have to peruse Bob Herbert’s 45,692 vitriolic rants about that.

These trifles used to matter to us. Not any more, we guess. Rather, the country must take in the Israeli-Hezbollah conflict alone, as if we have nothing better to do than enjoy a useful idiot of a journalist get a special guided tour from some lovely Hezbollah toadies in Beirut. Come on, CNN: How gullible do you have to be?

For crying out loud: The Israelis could bomb a missile factory, and Hezbollah would claim it’s a high school. (To be honest, though, given Hezbollah’s propensity for suicide bombing and its anti-Semitic propaganda for children, perhaps they see little distinction between a missile factory and a high school.)

We, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” have the faint impression that Martians could take over the planet, force the world’s human population to become their slaves, and this would receive second-page treatment. Or third-page, if George Bush recently made some sort of linguistic gaffe. After all, how does the enslavement of us all rate against the situation in Israel? Not very well, we’d wager.

So, for the near future, dear reader, we suppose you’ll have to get used to wall-to-wall coverage from Lebanon, as everyone but Katie Couric travels to that land to offer their two cents. Meanwhile, you’ll be forced to endure umpteen op-eds by anti-Israel terror-apologists, who demonstrate their bias by incessantly referring to Israel as “Palestine.” And they’ll use the word “occupation” slightly more than they employ the word “the.”

Further, you’ll have to listen to a cavalcade of Congressional Democrats carp about President Bush’s reaction to the situation, without offering any ideas as to how to resolve the conflict. Other than to suggest, of course, that Israel cease its operations and allow Hezbollah time to rearm.

If you enjoy the antics of our country’s professional losing party and the outrageous arguments of pro-terrorist lefties, you’re in for a delightful few weeks.