Very Un-Topical Humor

Recently, the Official Trend-Noticing Department here at “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly” has noticed a particular trend. Which, to be downright honest, is its job. It appears as if the “posts” we compose regarding current events are among the most esteemed and beloved of our e-output. Sundry readers of this humble “weblog” particularly enjoy taking in our discussions of the latest headlines and stories.

To this end, our expatiations on, say, the heftiness of Kelley LeBrock or, say, the lunatic ravings of Pat Robertson have proved extremely popular. Kids just can’t get enough of our musings on such topics, and this has led to myriad “hits” and all manner of “links.”

Under the circumstances, you would probably expect that we’d discuss current events all the time. And, to be sure, there’s no dearth of humorous topics of late. For instance, just take Samuel Alito. Ain’t he a card? He’s like the personification of balsa wood. Well, if balsa wood were far more rigid.

But this is precisely where we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” fool you. You’d expect us to “go with what works.” You’d assume that we’d attempt to bask in our popularity. You’d suppose that we’d see a good thing and run with it. Heck, no: Just like a very mannish looking gal, we’re tough to figure out.

Instead of taking such obvious steps on the way to coruscating e-popularity, we aim on heading in another direction altogether. We don’t want to be labeled guilty of merely preaching to the converted. If the peoples want topical humor, then we’ll give the peoples very un-topical humor. Serves the peoples right, if you ask us. We’ve suffered for our art, and now it’s your turn.

The more remote the gags, the happier we’ll be to offer them. If you think Mary Lou Retton is too much of a has-been for us to harp on, you haven’t caught wind of our magnificent “Double-Double-Cheese-Cheese-Burger-Burger-Please” gags. They’re funnier than selected episodes of “Cop Rock.” And, dear reader, if you haven’t a clue what the heck we’re talking about, get used to it: If for only a couple of days, we hope to make “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly” a veritable feast of obscurity.

In fact, we think gold medal-winning Mary Lou is too au courant for our tastes. We’re more into yuks at Myles Standish’s expense: Man, that guy’s nose looked just like a musket! God, that’s good material.

So, dear reader, sit back, relax, and enjoy our jokes at the expense of Ed “Too Tall” Jones, John Anderson, and Marco Polo. In the meantime, we’ll be busy watching our popularity tank faster than Hootie’s minus the Blowfish.