February 16, 2006

We’re on Our Way, We’re Making It

For some reason or other, the much-maligned mainstream media have failed to report on a recent occurrence of great import in the world of highbrow culture. Perhaps the folks at Time were a bit too busy composing hagiographies about Snoop Diggity Doggy.

To what key cultural matter are we referring? Naturally, to the fact that we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” are getting all Peter Gabriel on you. That is to say, in the words of that shlocky crooner and Phil Collins booster, we’re making it big time. Pretty soon, we’ll forget all the little people. Like Robert Reich. (Man, we wish we could forget about him now.)

No doubt you are wondering exactly how we have become movers and shakers. Are we replacing Maureen Dowd as columnists for The Gray Lady? Unfortunately for New York Times readers, the answer to that question is a resounding No. You’ll have to suffer through her articles until the Paper of Record finds a more intelligent replacement. Like a mildly retarded squirrel.

Did a few of us capture a silver medal in the four-man bobsled? Nope: Despite our airtight costumes, we only got a bronze.

It’s far better than all of that. For the past few Sundays, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” have contributed an e-essay over at Wizbang, one of the big boys of Al Gore’s World-Wide Web. (For some reason, only readers of the inimitable Llamabutchers have been kept informed of this happenstance.) Whilst you, dear reader, have been lying on your couch watching the repugnant Oliver North’s repugnant “War Stories” program, we’ve been enlightening the masses. Now, don’t you feel a bit guilty?

And the weekend goodies will keep on coming: We are sufficiently fortunate to be the regular Sunday essayists at Wizbang. We’re kind of like Charles Kuralt, only not dead. (Other than that, the similarities are eery.)

Naturally, this means that you—the enlightened fans of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly”—can pop over to Wizbang on Sundays and delight in our luminous animadversions. So far, we’ve contributed two delightful pieces, which you can read here and here. As if this weren’t wondrous enough, you can also add “comments” to our “posts” at Wizbang, in order to demonstrate your own obtuse pseudo-witticisms.

All of this means, however, that we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” are now compelled to compose six dazzling essays per week. To be downright honest, this may stretch us thinner than the Mary Kate and Ashley on Slim-Fast. And, as a result, our humor may begin to degenerate to the point where we find gags about Mary Kate and Ashley dieting deeply humorous.

Ah, but don’t worry, dear reader. There are many examples of stars working on lots of projects and remaining a success at all of them.

Why, think of Bob Saget.

Posted at February 16, 2006 12:01 AM | TrackBack