Barack Obama: The Great White Hope

By now, dear reader, you have undoubtedly heard the news: Sen. Barack Obama (D-Sidney Poitier) has been making up lots and lots of ground on Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-Philandering Husband). For the umpteen members of the mainstream media who have clearly favored Obama all along, this is most certainly delightful news.

Now, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” must admit that we were originally a tad upset by this recent turn of events. After all, as far as the Democratic presidential hopefuls are concerned, we consider ourselves Biden men and women.

Sure, sure, sure: We have a far better shot of winning the presidency than this hair-plugged, plagiarizing gaffe machine. But, come on: The fellow knows a thing or two about foreign policy, which strikes us as somewhat relevant in this day and age.

Accordingly, good news for Obama is certainly bad news for Sen. Biden. And it ain’t too pleasant for Dennis Kucinich, either, whose UFO sightings outnumber his non-Nation-reading supporters.

But we must say that the recent surge (if you will) in support for Obama troubles us because we far prefer Sen. Clinton to the other two leading Democratic candidates (Obama and some keen-looking fellow with really, really nice hair). We know, we know: Sen. Clinton leaves a lot to be desired. Her views on the Middle East seem to change more often than her pants-suits.

Still, Sen. Clinton strikes us as pragmatic and comparatively moderate on foreign policy, which seems decent enough for us. She’s no Lieberman or Ben Nelson, but she sure beats the heck out of John Edwards.

And thus we originally found ourselves a bit miffed that Sen. Obama has improved his fortunes so much. After all, as far as we can determine, the junior Senator from Illinois has distinguished himself for only two things: Uttering mind-numbing platitudes that would make the average politician blush and speaking ill-advisedly on matters of foreign policy.

This, for example, was the guy who claimed he would blithely chat up Iran with no preconditions, right after he bombed Pakistan into the Stone Age. Well, that sounds pretty reasonable, doesn’t it? Tell us more about your deep-seated political wisdom, Sen. Obama.

Can Hillary beat this empty suit? We don’t know, but we hope she has the audacity to hope so.