Thespian-Cum-Politician

A lot of folks in America, dear reader, are sick and tired of listening to the political bleating of various actors and actresses. Whether it’s Tim Robbins pontificating about the Iraq War or Sally Field pontificating about the Iraq War or Susan Sarandon pontificating about the Iraq War, many people just can’t tolerate it.

Actors, after all, are not exactly world famous for their smarts. With, we suppose, a few exceptions: Gary Coleman has always struck us as extremely bright.

Yet we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” must admit that we don’t feel the same way about the political proclivities of various thespians. Call us masochists (really: Call us masochists), but we actually quite esteem the moronic diatribes of the Hollywood set.

In fact, we feel about Rosie O’Donnell’s stint on “The View” much as average Joes purportedly feel about Milwaukee’s Best: Life just doesn’t get any better than this. We mean, come on: An outlandishly execrable women’s talk show laced with the moronic blather of an overweight left-wing clown. Can you think of anything superior? The fifth season of “Night Court,” perhaps?

So you’ll pardon us, dear reader, if we—unlike so many Americans—pine to learn more about our actors’ ideological bents. Sure, we know the basics: Alec Baldwin is a raging leftist and a great father; Jon Voight is rather conservative; Tom Cruise is gay; &c. But we want more.

For instance, what does Rip Torn think about national healthcare? Does Ray Romano support a flat tax? Is, as we have long suspected, Cher an advocate for intervention in Burma?

As some highbrow publication once put it, inquiring minds want to know. And, we hasten to add, so do we. Although we’ve long known that Ed Begley Jr. is a Communist who’ll drive a turkey to work if it’ll save him a drop of gasoline, we yearn to know about the late Nel Carter. Was she a pinko? If you ask us, signs point to yes.

The next time you find yourself sick and tired of another B-List actor (say, George Clooney) eagerly attempting to use all three of his brain cells in an attempt to stump for a nuclear freeze, think of us. Don’t just get mad at another typical Hollywood moron with typical leftist politics. Rather, ponder all the joy this boob is giving to us.

If it helps you get through the day, you're welcome.