October 23, 2007

A Conspiracy of Conspiracy-mongers

The other day, dear reader, we heard about a heckler who pitched a fit at a live Bill Maher performance. For some reason, HBO broadcasts the alarmingly un-insightful, non-sagacious politico-comedic stylings of Mr. Maher, and some nutter attempted to break up the fun.

Upon reading this, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” thought: Finally, someone excoriated Mr. Maher for his lame political ruminations and his foreboding smugness. It’s about time.

Ah, but upon closer inspection, we found that we were entirely wrong. Sure, a heckler did interrupt Mr. Maher during his live television broadcast. Yet the heckler in question was another 9/11 conspiracy clown.

Now, we might be in the minority here, but we simply must say that we have officially had enough of the whole 9/11-Was-an-Inside-Job-by-the-US-and/or-Israel crowd. We’ve heard their cockamamie theories, and you can color us unimpressed.

In fact, we firmly believe that the 9/11 conspiracy racket is amongst the most fatuous of conspiracy theories ever to sully American history. And that, we hardly need add, is quite an accomplishment.

We mean, come on: How deranged do you have to be to believe that the US government was behind the most horrific terror attack in American history? Apparently, the answer is: Just as much as Rosie O’Donnell is.

Even though such conspiracy-mongers aim to castigate America and/or Israel with their foolishness, they wind up offering a strikingly racist view of the Middle East. As far as they’re concerned, Muslims can never accomplish anything—even terrorist attacks for which they explicitly claim responsibility. Everything must be the result of the evil West.

Quite frankly, we consider such 9/11 conspiracy-mongering so rebarbative that we’re developing our own conspiracy theory to counter it. Although we haven’t fully ironed out all the details, we have a sneaking suspicion that the 9/11 conspiracy theory is itself a conspiracy.

Yep, that’s right: If you ask us (which, technically speaking, you did not), the 9/11 “Truthers” are merely right-wing stooges aiming to make the far Left look so ridiculous that another Republican gets elected. This is not, we suppose, a particularly convincing theory, but it sure beast the heck out of the We-Did-9/11 garbage, doesn’ it?

Posted at October 23, 2007 12:01 AM | TrackBack