Al Gore’s Evil Minions

Quite frankly, dear reader, it’s been a tough week or so for us. Allow us to elaborate. About a week ago, our Internet service—much like our cable television service—went on the fritz.

Yep, that’s right: “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly” official headquarters—workspace of the crack young staff—was bereft of access to Al Gore’s World-Wide Web. Man, we didn’t know how hooked on that thing we had become.

As you might well imagine, lack of Internet access is a bit of a problem for a storied “weblog.” Or even, if we may add, a non-storied one. It’s kind of like a coal miner without a helmet or a banker without an obnoxiously supercilious demeanor. Or Madonna without lube. We were, in a word, stuck.

So what happened? Well, first and foremost, we failed to offer our weekly Sunday essay for Wizbang. This was the only time—the only time!—we did not offer our typical weekend rumination for the big boys at Wizbang since we started our humble column over a year ago.

In addition, we have recently—to put it delicately—half-assed our “posts.” Quite frankly, we can’t help it: As the result of our Internet non-access, we were compelled to troll around in search of some poor sap willing to let us piggy-back on their computers. We’re not proud of it, but it’s true.

Accordingly, we spent a few minutes on some weirdo’s laptop, attempting to ignore the dubious photographs on his desktop whilst writing some glowing animadversion or other. Not, we must admit, a harbinger of e-success.

We suppose, dear reader, that we are asking—albeit indirectly—for your e-forgiveness. Our last few days of “posts” have been rather horrid, perhaps even more lowly and uninspired than is typical for this lowly and uninspired little “weblog.”

In typical American fashion, however, we are pleased to blame other people for our shortcomings. It’s the darn Internet provider’s fault, and we take absolutely no responsibility. Read at your own risk.