Field of Nightmares

Perhaps, dear reader, you watched the Emmy Awards this year. If so, you can be sure that we were not among your number. Nope: Although we’re certainly familiar with the term “Emmy Awards,” for some reason we need to be reminded that this is the television industry’s orgy of self-celebration and not, say, the music industry’s.

As such, we have no cotton-pickin’ clue who took home this year’s Emmys. Nor do we know who was up for an award. With one niggling exception: Someone called Sally Field appears to have won a best actress award for a television program of which we have never heard.

The only reason we found out about her prestigious medal for Best Hat Design, or some such, dear reader, is the fact that Ms. Field decided to use her acceptance speech as—wait for it—an exercise in dimwitted left-wing political hectoring. And Fox, the network broadcasting the Emmys, decided to delete the audio portion of her moronic diatribe, ostensibly because it was expletive-laden.

In said rant, Ms. Field prayed that women would run the world, so that there’d be no more wars. Or some arrant nonsense to this effect.

Boy, Ms. Field has sure studied up on her history. She’s well aware of the fact that female leaders such as Margaret Thatcher have proved entirely peaceable. If only old Boudica were in charge of the UK again!

The mainstream media, naturally, has had a field day (if you will) with Ms. Field’s lame anti-Iraq War blather. Oh, oh: She’s just so bold—what courage it must take to offer an anti-Bush pontification in Hollywood! Talk about a career risk.

Frankly, dear reader, we just can’t get exercised over Ms. Field’s dimwitted claptrap. She’s just another cranially-challenged actor with hard Left leanings—add her to the pile. She’s a diminutive Susan Sarandon, for crying out loud.

Okay, Ms. Field. You don’t like the Iraq War. In fact, you hate it so much that your speech on the topic got censored. Big deal.

We, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” hated that horrible movie about stand-up comedy you did with Tom Hanks. You know the one we mean—the film in which the writers for some reason thought your lame hausfrau yuks were bearable. “Punchline,” was it? Yeah: That was “Smoky and the Bandit” awful.

Not only do we loathe that film—and your lame performance in it—we detest it so strongly that we need to censor ourselves from commenting on it fully. Aha! We’re even. You hate the Iraq War; we hate your lousy acting.