Careful Ruminations on the Anti-War Movement, or Shut Up, You Stupid Hippie

We, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” recently caught wind of the fact that sundry witless radicals staged a pro-capitulation rally in Washington, DC on Saturday, September 15. And by “caught wind of the fact,” we mean it: Although our headquarters aren’t anywhere near the storied District of Columbia, we could smell those mephitic hippie from here.

Ah, yes: Another in the long line of pathetic Stalinoid protests. Our lives under so-called “late capitalism” would be less rich without the moronic antics of young trust-fund radicals, who blithely do the dirty work for Islamofascists.

A few pictures from said rally demonstrate that this was merely the latest in a long series of by-the-books tantrums. All the usual signage was on display: “Impeach Bush”; “No War for Oil”; “Free Palestine”; “Sammy Davis Jr. Was My Great Uncle”; &c.

As usual, the idiotic far leftists who gather at these powwows couldn’t discipline themselves sufficiently to stay on message. Though this was a pro-capitulation in Iraq rally, pictures show all sorts of placards about “freeing Mumia,” destroying Israel, &c. It’s as if the rally was one giant meeting of the Attention Deficit Disorder Club.

Still, these latest antics from the pro-capitulation movement—humdrum as they appear—got us to thinking a bit. Not, we dare say, major-league reflections, but some careful examples of cogitation nonetheless. And, after some serious thought, we have decided that various things about the pro-capitulation movement make no sense.

First, we must discuss a group calling itself Code Pink. How, we wonder, does a cabal with such an interesting and attractive name turn out to be such a downer? Frankly, we think it’s criminal to call yourself Code Pink and be this lame and boring.

If you don’t know anything about the so-called Code Pinksters, allow us to inform you that they’re a gaggle of die-hard feminists who shill for hardcore anti-feminist Islamists. Makes sense, huh? It does to them, apparently.

To make matters even worse, even though Code Pink has a nice, cutesy name, its members seem to be nothing but dilapidated old farts. As such, when they invariably sponsor some “naked protest” or other, the proper response is to run in fear. Unless, of course, you are in great need of an emetic.

But surely the bit about the pro-capitulation movement that most troubles us is the fact that pretty much everyone refers to it by the moniker “anti-war.” This, of course, is insufficiently specific. These morons aren’t “anti-war” per se; rather they’re opposed to Western participation in wars. They haven’t got any problem with Osama bin Laden, Iran, the Palestinians, or Hezbollah starting a conflict, they just want the West to capitulate immediately.