An Intriguing Offer

As you might well imagine, dear reader, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” receive all manner of e-mails. In fact, one of our crack young interns—let’s just call her “Chip”—spends her entire workdays sorting through and dealing with our voluminous correspondence.

For some reason, we get our share of interesting business deals from Nigerians. Go figure. Who would have guessed that Nigeria is home to such an impressive entrepreneurial spirit? Not us, not us.

We would be remiss if we failed to mention the fact that we also receive lots of fan mail. You know, the sort of stuff that reads: “Oh, crack young staff, I wish you were my daughters.” Or words to that general effect.

Every once in a great while, however, some yahoo or other sends us a fetching exemplum of hate mail. These folks don’t like our e-antics very much, and have taken it upon themselves to hammer us. If you ask us, it’s entirely reasonable to complain about the delicate arguments appearing on a “website” called “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly.” With a name like that, wouldn’t you expect intellectual care and seriousness? We would, we would.

A few days ago, dear reader, an even more interesting piece of e-mail flew its way into our e-mail pile. We’re not exactly sure how, but someone with the name of Regina Whitlock tracked us down and decided…to offer us a job. Here’s her full missive in question:

Hello.

Dating company wants to offer you the job with the profitable conditions.

We are looking for the trustworthy persons with excellent organizational and communicative skills. These skills will help you and us to earn money. This is the part-time job, which can be combined with any permanent or other part-time job. No special experience is necessary.

There are different kinds of a part time job that our company offers. If you are interested with our suggestion write on datingjob@aol.com
Thank you, good bye.

P.S. in your reply could please note the country you live in.

We know what you are thinking, dear reader: This sounds like a fantastic opportunity. Although you might heartily disagree, we strongly believe that the best job opportunities are those “with the profitable conditions.”

No wonder this esteemed dating company (?) hopes to employ people with superior “communicative skills.” It seems as if Ms. Whitlock has a bit of trouble with English. Perhaps she too is a Nigerian businessman?

Sadly, though, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” already have “permanent or other part-time job[s],” and haven’t any extra hours to spend with a dating company. But we magnanimously pass on the job notice to you, in case you’re interested.

Just tell Ms. Whitlock that the crack young staff sent you.