When “Essentially” Means “Not at All”

Okay, okay, okay—we admit it: In the past fortnight or so, we’ve ridiculed the British left-wing weekly The New Statesman ad nauseam. We’ve criticized them so often, in fact, that we’ve even taken to using lame Britishisms such as “fortnight.”

And, quite frankly, our excoriations of The New Statesman, no matter how apt, give you a good sense of why this humble “weblog” has remained so, well, humble. Whilst other “webloggers” are off discussing far more pressing matters, we’re still nattering on about a UK magazine that no one even reads in the States.

It is with a heavy heart, then, that we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” again take issue with an issue of The New Statesman. To be sure, we didn’t want to hector the folks at the NS again, but we simply had to do so. We think you’ll see what we mean.

In the 14 May number of the ole’ NS, one can find “Europe’s Wrong Call,” a short lament by Caroline Lucas, a Green Party Member of the European Parliament for southeast England. In case that unsavory description of Ms. Lucas didn’t sufficiently encourage your disdain, you can check out a picture of her on her “website.”

For us, her visage offers an important unanswered question: Is her haircut worse than her politics? As you’ll see, we think that’s a tough query to answer.

For Ms. Lucas never appears to have met a Palestinian terrorist she doesn’t esteem. And she just can’t figure out why the EU would give the cold shoulder to the loveable scamps in Hamas. Those delightful sods; they wouldn’t harm a flea.

And thus her article in the NS brays about European complicity in turning “the occupied territories” into a basket case. First, we suppose we ought to mention, pace the well-coiffed Ms. Lucas, that Israel only occupies one territory—the West Bank—since it has handed over the Gaza Strip to those peaceable Palestinians. But, hey: “Occupied territories” sounds far more upsetting, doesn’t it? And why let a little thing like the truth get in the way?

Naturally, Ms. Lucas’ opinions on Israel/Palestine are beneath contempt. She believes that the Palestinians, having voted for genocidal maniacs, should be handed lots of European moneys with which to enact their genocide. This view, it seems, gets one labeled a promoter of peace.

But perhaps the following sentence is the most jaw-droppingly obtuse in her short column:

The EU continues to withhold direct aid from the Palestinian Authority (PA), as it has done for more than 12 months, even though a new government of national unity has been formed which essentially meets the demands of the international community for renunciation of violence, respect for previous political agreements, and recognition of the state of Israel.

“Essentially meets the demands,” eh? We hate to say it, but it’s true: Caroline Lucas is so stupid that she doesn’t even know the definition of the word “essentially.” She appears to think it means “not in any real way.”

To prove our point, let’s just go through a little scorecard. We’ll recount Ms. Lucas’ listing of international demands, and we’ll mark off whether the Hamas-dominated government in Palestine supports them.

Renunciation of violence: Um, gee, the Palestinians have been too busy shelling Israeli cities with rockets to trouble themselves to renounce violence. And given that Hamas’ charter forthrightly declares its aim of forcing the Jews into the sea, it’s hard to imagine that being taken care of non-violently.

Respect for previous political agreements: Sure, the Palestinians mouthed a few pieties about this, but they don’t really recognize any previous agreements. After all, their elected government officially aims at a Jewish genocide in Israel. It’s not clear how this could be compatible with supporting any political agreements with the dreaded “Zionist entity,” unless it’s politically valuable to do so, to get one’s hands on lots of European lucre.

Recognition of the state of Israel: Are you stark raving insane? Hamas will not recognize Israel. It aims to eradicate it.

Well, there you have it: Caroline Lucas is a complete twit. If her haircut weren’t so laughable, we’d say that it’s clear her politics are more noxious than her tonsorial style. But, gee: That’s one bad haircut.