If a “Weblog” Falls in the Forest…

As fanatical readers of this humble “weblog” recognize, “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly” will soon pass an Internet milestone of sorts. Yes, yes, yes—in a few short days, this humble e-outfit will turn three years old. This isn’t as old as, say, Britney Spears, but our “website” has the advantage of possessing more hair than she has.

Quite frankly, three years on the ole’ Internets ain’t so bad. From a cursory examination of our “weblogroll,” we can tell that very few “websites” manage that sort of staying power. As we’ve remarked before, our “weblogroll” is something of a World-Wide Web version of the Boulevard of Broken Dreams. Most of these poor “weblogs” have been abandoned like red-headed step-children.

Given our impressive e-staying power, we are a bit more than alarmed by a recent trend in our reading audience. Put more simply, we are mildly appalled that our hits seem to be dropping like Marky Mark’s pants in the early ‘90s. That is to say, dear reader, suddenly no one seems to be reading this “weblog” at all.

In fact, there’s a pretty darn good chance that you’re the only pathetic bastard who even bothered to check out our lackluster musings. Or, at least, you’re the only one sufficiently out of it to have read this far. And, quite naturally, we thank you dearly.

But—not to put too fine a point on things—what the heck happened? Just a few months ago, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” strong-armed Glenn Reynolds into “linking” to our magnificent animadversions. A few weeks prior to that, no less an eminence than John Podhoretz declared: “This [“The Hatemonger’s Quarterly”] is one of the most interesting and amusing right-of-center blogs I’ve ever read.”

How the mighty have fallen. Man, if things continue in this direction, we’re pretty sure that we’ll be having coffee regularly with Jimmy the Greek, Screech from “Saved by the Bell,” and Todd Bridges. Which is pretty amazing, given that at least one of those fellows is dead.

Maybe, dear reader, it’s high time we attempted to revive this old bag of e-bones. Perhaps we should start some sort of fancy marketing campaign. You know: impressive slogans; television spots with Geico-like frequency. Perhaps we could get Rip Torn to be our spokesman.

If you’ve got any ideas, we, like Barack Obama, are all ears.

In the meantime, however, you can take pleasure in knowing that this humble “weblog” will deliver the same tepid commentary and feckless barbs we’ve been unknown for these past few years. And you can be darn sure we’ll limp into our third year on Al Gore’s Internet with semi-aplomb.

Ah, it’s nice to feel like the Kansas City Royals once in a while.