February 14, 2007

Oh Happy Day!

Greetings, loyal readers of The Hatemonger's Quarterly. It is your Maximum Leader of the weblog Naked Villainy here for a final posting during his winter stint as guest weblogger here at HMQ. Allow your Maximum Leader to be quite plain. It is a pleasure and an honor to be asked by the Crack Young Staff to fill in while they are out. Your Maximum Leader hopes that he has made the most of his week. He further hopes that you, the beleaguered reader, have enjoyed his work. In case you all were wondering, the Crack Young Staff returns tomorrow.

As many of you already know, today is that most artificial and saccharine of all "holidays" on the calendar. It is Valentine's Day.

Notice, if you will, that today is no longer Saint Valentine's Day. It is no longer the Feast of Saint Valentine, Martyr. It has just become Valentines Day. The day is no longer worthy of being written out in the possessive form in most print outlets. The day of religious devotion has become a day of chocolate, cards, flowers, and trite poems written about infantile emotional pleas that someone should "be my Valentine."

Of all of the suspect holidays foisted upon the American (and frankly the World's) consumers, Valentine's Day is the most suspect. Indeed, in the Mike World Order (that time when your Maximum Leader holds the world - or a significant portion thereof - in his autocratic thrall) Valentine's Day will revert back to a Holy Day of Obligation and the gifting of gifts for your lover will be right out.

Now you may think that this screed is just your Maximum Leader lashing out because he has no one with whom to share this Valentine's Day. Well, banish that silliness from your little mind right now. He has a loving wife and two daughters with whom he will share this Valentine's Day. Indeed, at his request, the lovely Mrs Villain has taken a dinner request already from your Maximum Leader. (Thanks to Mrs P.)

No, your Maximum Leader dislikes the rampant consumerism of Valentine's Day. It's all about the chocolates (Godiva, Lindt, Ghirardelli, zChocolat, or Durig). It's all about the flowers (preferably a gaudy display of overwrought roses delivered to the office in front of admiring co-workers - and dead four days later). It is all about the perfect card (drivel from Hallmark). The measure of love is money. How much is spent and how much is received.

Of course, the one redeeming quality you might attempt to claim on this day is that at least the money spent is being spent to give joy to others. This is a rather thin altruism. But it is better than a sharp stick in the eye.

Well... That is until 2007. Now Valentine's Day is all about self-love and self-indulgence. Retailers have finally realized that people can only really get excited about spending money when they know the person on the receiving end of the gift is none other than themselves.

Where once Valentine's Day was all about finding the right (or just trite) gift for "that special someone;" it is now slowly morphing into finding the right Dolce and Gabbana bag to match your Manolo shoes. Or trying finding the Rolex Chronometer that says "successful, but not too flashy."

Your Maximum Leader didn't think it was possible for him to be more disgusted by the faux holiday foisted upon us every February 14th. But, he should have known that market forces were at work.

Carry on.

Posted at February 14, 2007 12:04 AM | TrackBack