February 07, 2007

Decline of Western Civilization Pt MXXC

Greetings, loyal readers of The Hatemonger's Quarterly. It is your Maximum Leader from Naked Villainy. As always, your Maximum Leader is so pleased that the Crack Young Staff are willing to entrust their "weblog" to his pithy commentary. It is really too bad that your Maximum Leader can't figure out this "web cam" stuff or you would be able to see him firmly ensconced behind the "blogging" desk of the Crack Young Staff. Indeed, you would also see that the "Web's Most Dangerous Band" was warming up to keep the studio audience rolling during commercial breaks.

But your Maximum Leader digresses. There is serious work to be done!

You see, the "job" of a "weblogger" (if indeed "weblogging" can be said to be "work") is to hold a mirror up to society and cry out "Look! Look at how you've let yourself go. You used to be beautiful and all the world wanted you..." At least that is what some other person told your Maximum Leader in an electronic missive which also exhorted him to buy particular penny stocks and give his checking account information to Mrs. Kwame Buthelezi in Niger so that she could transfer $5,000,000 (US) to it...

As many readers of this space know, civilized people are daily assaulted with signs of the impending collapse and fall of Western Civilization. We are faced with yet another of those signs today. This time the portent of doom comes in the results of a survey conducted by Unilever Corporation.

Excursus: Who knew that Unilever was such a huge corporation and owned so many well-known brands? Well, frankly, your Maximum Leader knew. He noticed one day on the back of a jar of Hellmannís Mayonnaise that Hellmannís was a Unilever product. He then took it upon himself to investigate Unilever. After investigating, he decided to invest in Unilever NV. But that is another story...

It seems as though the people at Unilever conducted a survey (presumably to better market a plethora of products to consumers) and discovered that women prefer clothes to sex. Yes... You read that correctly. Women prefer clothes to sex. Indeed, according to survey results, women keep their favorite clothes longer than they keep their favorite men. (12.5 years for her favorite frock, 11.5 years for her favorite... Well... You can rhyme...) In other findings... 70% of respondents said that they believed that they could fall in love at first sight with an article of clothing; but only 54% said they could fall in love at first sight with a man.

So where does that leave men and Western Civilization in general? Not in a particularly good place. Women are obviously turned on more by a cashmere sweater than a hairy man... Humm... Perhaps that was not the best analogy... But it seems plain enough that women find it hard to like men who are fops. You know, foppish style seems to be all the rage for men now. Satin jogging suits. Silk ties worn askew. Gauzy mohair sweaters for men. No wonder a woman would pass on procreation in favor of cramming her closet.

We live in sad and scary times dear readers... Sad and scary times...

Carry on.

Posted at February 7, 2007 12:01 AM | TrackBack