Fashionably Unfashionable

The other day, dear reader, one of the senior editors here at �The Hatemonger�s Quarterly��let�s just call him �Chip��was perusing the April 16 number of The New York Times Magazine. Yes, we know: �Chip� is a glutton for punishment.

Among the pieces �Chip� read was �The Anti-Orientalist,� a fawning profile of Spanish expatriate novelist Juan Goytisolo, which was penned by one Fernanda Eberstadt. Already as early as the second paragraph, �Chip� became skeptical about Ms. Eberstadt�s opinions.

For, in said paragraph, she offers the following sentiments:

Considered by many to be Spain�s greatest living writer, Goytisolo is in some ways an anachronistic figure in today�s cultural landscape. His ideas can seem deeply unfashionable. For him, writing is a political act, and it is the West, not the Islamic world, that is waging a crusade.

Dear, oh, dear: According to the powers that be at the Times Magazine, then, the notion that the West is on a crusade is �deeply unfashionable�? Oh, come on.

As far as we, the crack young staff of �The Hatemonger�s Quarterly,� can determine, that�s about as chichi a view as you can sport. Offering such a sentiment, in fact, is so �deeply unfashionable� that you�d have a hard time getting it across without everyone in the smart set vociferously agreeing with you.

Gee, we suppose it must be difficult to present such a view. You�d only have access to a couple of �deeply unfashionable� avenues to publicize your opinion: The New York Times, The Nation, The Guardian, The New York Review of Books, Salmagundi, Dissent, New Left Review, The London Review of Books, The Progressive, Tikkun, The American Prospect, Z Magazine, any academic publisher, most trade publishers, The New York Times Magazine, The New Statesman &c.

How tough! Clearly, you must pay a price for being such an intellectual trailblazer.

Even the title of the profile demonstrates how utterly faddish is Mr. Goytisolo: �The Anti-Orientalist.� These days, if you pine to advertise your un-modishness, you should loudly proclaim yourself an Orientalist. That ought to win few friends in academe.

To be sure, Ms. Eberstadt notes that Goytisolo has a few comparatively unfashionable opinions: He isn�t a big fan of Fidel Castro, for instance, and he thinks various Arab regimes are corrupt. To which we, the crack young staff of �The Hatemonger�s Quarterly,� reply: Yawn! Basically, this merely means that Mr. Goytisolo isn�t Tariq Ali.

As far as we�re concerned, no one should be calling anyone with such views �deeply unfashionable.� To us, �deeply unfashionable� means believing that keeping Twinkies in your pants for three hours a day will bring world peace and cure Alzheimer�s disease.