September 08, 2004

An AK-47 or Baked Alaska—Which

An AK-47 or Baked Alaska—Which Is the Real Killer: The Associated Press Decides

Our friends on the political Right are always complaining about news organizations refusing to refer to certain groups as made up of “terrorists.” It seems as if many mainstream media outlets don’t want to alienate key portions of their readership and viewership by labeling, say, Al-Qaeda a “terrorist group.”

After all, who’s to say what a “terrorist” is, anyway? Just because you murder innocent civilians in cold blood doesn’t make you a bad person, does it? And isn’t that exactly what Halliburton is doing…or something?

We, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” seem to have come upon the perfect illustration of the difficulties in labeling certain groups havens for “terrorists.” Our example? Two stories from that haven of respectability, the Associated Press (AP).

For those of our readers who don’t read much in the way of news, let us inform you that the Associated Press is just like Reuters, only it isn’t written by Islamofascists.

According to the AP, it seems, the line between a “terrorist group” and an “activist group” is not very thin. On August 4, Gavin Rabinowtiz of the AP penned a story called “Palestinians Angered by Bombing,” in which various Palestinians were aghast that murderers of the Palestinian people might themselves be Palestinian. Who would conjure up such a crazy scenario?

In said story, Mr. Rabinowitz referred to the Al Aqsa Martyrs’ Brigades as “a violent group.” Hmmm. A “violent group”? Well, we suppose that’s about as accurate as labeling Charlie Rose “a boring man.” Or Adolf Hitler “a demagogic politician.”

So, if the Al Aqsa Martyrs’ Brigade is merely “a violent group,” what kinds of organizations are more insidious?

The answer to this question came from another AP story, this one composed by one David Crary. Discussing a passel of activists who are attempting to win acceptance for fat people, Mr. Crary refers to one Marilyn Wann as “a militant member of the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance.”

Aha! So, let this be a lesson to those fine fellows in the Al Aqsa Martyrs’ Brigades: If you really want to wreck havoc, you are going to have to lay down your machine guns and pick up a cruller.

Posted at September 8, 2004 01:01 AM | TrackBack