September 07, 2004

Thither Went Our Dignity For

Thither Went Our Dignity

For well nigh six months, “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly” has been a labor of lust. Although we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” have received generous financial remunerations from our sundry corporate backers, many of our staff members have yet to score six-figure incomes. To add insult to injury, some are indigent enough to drive to work in year-old Honda Civics. Without power windows.

No longer. As has been widely reported throughout the world of the “weblogs,” Blogger—the official care-provider for “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly”—has decided to inaugurate a new feature that will pay writers for their humble musings. “Websites” that feature a “” address can now host advertisements that will enrich the coffers of their authors.

Naturally, Blogger is offering this new bone to “webloggers” because a “” address—as we have remarked before—is the Internet equivalent of an apartment in downtown Detroit. To offer an analogy, “blogspot” is to “weblogs” what Mr. T is to acting.

In fact, some of our readers have no doubt wondered why “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” beacon of popularity that it is, would stay with the down-market pimp known as Blogger.

Well, dear readers, wonder no longer. In the inimitable—yet oft imitated—words of some B-List actor or other, “Show me the money!” Well, “Show us the money” is more like it, given the mammoth staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly.”

We know what you’re thinking, dear reader: Now that the crack young staff is going to become rich and famous, will its “weblog” deteriorate in quality? Will it fail to present its readers with the intelligent exegesis they have come to love and respect? Will it become a receptacle of tired yuks?

That reminds us of a joke: What’s the difference between Michael Moore and a bucket of garbage? Answer: The bucket.

See, dear reader: You have nothing to fear. Not even, in the inimitable—yet oft imitated—words of some B-List president or other, fear itself. We, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” rabid bunch of sellouts that we are, would never allow our thirst for commercial gain to get in the way of our collective muse. (On a related note, Fig Newtons aren’t just cookies; they’re fruit and cake.)

In the future, we shall continue to offer our precious animadversions. And occasionally dilate on the import of Cheerios to a well-balanced diet. Clearly, this is what those soulless fellows known as marketers call a “win-win situation.”

So sit back on your comfortable Lay-Z-Boy chair, grab a handful of Slim Jims, and enjoy our luminous postings. And relax: “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly” is far too serious and forthright a publication to stoop to the level of tepid commercial jingles.

Thank you for your support.

Posted at September 7, 2004 01:01 AM | TrackBack