January 03, 2005

McStupid We, the crack young


We, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” are not huge fans of McDonalds. Our dislike of this eatery hasn’t much to do with a deep-seated concern for the survival of distinct local cultures, the evils of eating meat, or the measly salaries offered to fast-food employees. Rather, we think that it sucks. The food is, for lack of a better word, bad.

Accordingly, dear reader, we are not particularly heartbroken when we hear that our friends on the radical Left—and some on the Right—take issue with McDonalds. We figure that someone has to punch this squalid franchise in the McRibs.

Like most people who inhabit planet earth, however, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” would like to think that we know the proper limits of demonstrating disapproval. We figure that it is far more effective and reasonable, say, to rail on the feculent victuals for sale at McDonalds than, say, to take the actor who plays Mayor McCheese hostage. Call us crazy, but that’s the way we see it.

Well, dear reader, it seems as if some of our friends in France do not feel the same way. The following bizarre tale was reported in the weekly version of The Daily Telegraph:


Armed with high-pressure hose and a bucket of octopi, hundreds of protesters in the Mediterranean French town of Sete pelted a McDonalds restaurant with the seafood at the weekend.

Up to 500 people gathered on the banks of the Sete canal across from the fast-food outlet, yelling anti-junk-food slogans across the water as police barred them from reaching the restaurant itself.

Aiming the hose across the water, they catapulted fresh octopi—a local delicacy, known here as the “pouffre”—towards the town’s first McDonalds, which had been set to open that day.

If we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” were in charge of the French branches of McDonalds, we’d come up with a deep-fried dish called McOctopus, just to spite these moronic protesters. We have the distinct impression that our French pals would be livid to see their homegrown delicacy slathered in copious amounts of McDonalds not-so-special “special sauce.”

The article left us wondering exactly what “anti-junk-food slogans” are. Are they anything like the following:

“You’re way right away—provided that ‘you’re way’ means ‘lousy food’”
“Would you like to Supersize that McDyspepsia?”
“Colonel Sanders was a slave-owner”
“McDonalds makes me Grimace”
“Colonel Sanders had a terrible sense of fashion”?

Posted at January 3, 2005 12:01 AM | TrackBack