Feeling Uninspired As long-time readers

Feeling Uninspired

In fact, as some regular readers have noted, we have offered commentary on a wide variety of topics on a very regular basis. This has led such readers to send us an e-missive with a question such as: “How do you guys do it? How do you manage to find material to carp on? Don’t you ever feel uninspired?”

To which we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” respond: Good questions, those. Before we undertake an answer, however, let us clear up a few minor matters.

First, about 47 percent of the crack young staff is of the female persuasion, and, as such, dislikes references to them as “you guys.” They didn’t attend years of women’s studies classes to be addressed as fellahs. You dolts.

In addition, the question “How do you manage to find material to carp on?” ends in a preposition, which is a grammatical no-no. Sure, it isn’t that awful—if you’re writing for a second-rate rag such as The New York Times. But heck, this is “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly”! This is the land of the Marauding Marsupials, for crying out loud! You could at least show some respect to the three people who read this drivel and write like a human being.

We mean, geez: Composing sentences that end in prepositions—what is the world coming to?

But anyway, dear reader, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” collectively digress. If we recall correctly, we were nattering on about what Peter Cetera calls our inspiration.

We, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” feel as if there is a better way of examining this question: Instead of focusing on the days in which we can’t come up with humorous material (like, for instance, today), why not mention the times when, as our New Age friends would say, the Great Spirit Bear is on our side?

Sometimes, dear reader, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” appear to have a direct line to the Glorious Gods of Comedy. It’s like we’re magically transformed into young men and women as funny as Richard Pryor, Woody Allen, Bob Saget, and the cast of “Small Wonder.” You know, all the comedy legends.

On those days, dear reader, there’s something electric in the air. It is, to borrow a phrase that Thomas Dolby borrowed from everyone else, poetry in motion.

Only it’s prose, and it’s not moving.