January 20, 2005

Exit To Nowhere We, the

Exit To Nowhere

We, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” can’t seem to get enough of The New York Times editorial page. With columnists as brilliant and serious as Maureen Dowd and sedate as Paul Krugman, what’s not to like?

Wednesday’s number of the Times most assuredly presented one of the most impressively argued pieces we’ve read in some time. It’s title, “Should We Stay or Should We Go?,” offers a tip of the cap to the erstwhile rock-n-roll band the Clash, and readers will be happy to know that its arguments fully live up to this clever cultural reference.

The piece in question was penned by three think-tankers, Frederick Barton, Bathsheba Crocker, and Craig Cohen. We, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” enjoyed the name “Bathsheba Crocker” so much that we’ve decided to name all of our kids after her. Messrs. Barton and Crocker and Ms. Bathsheba Crocker all work for the scintillatingly titled Post-Conflict Reconstruction Project at the Center for Strategic and International Studies.

We know what you are thinking, dear reader: With a name that long and boring, this dynamic trio must certainly know what its talking about.

And indeed it does. The team of Barton, Crocker, and Cohen argue that the Iraqi people should decide when American troops should withdraw from their country via a referendum. That way, our troops can be seen more as an ameliorating force, and less of a—perish the thought!—occupying power.

In addition, we might add, this will allow Iraq to become a malignant failed state that serves as a haven for terrorism.

Some cynics out there may scoff at the learned lucubration of Team Barton, Crocker, and Cohen. Some may even laugh at the name Bathsheba Crocker—we know that we did.

But the think-tankers have a collective point: Surely the Iraqi people—and not military experts—are the best judges of the safety level of their country. The daily bombardment of propaganda from Muslim states' media outlets will only help them make a more thoughtful decision.

In short, dear reader, why allow a bunch of slack-jawed yokels with flattops in the Pentagon make decisions about Iraqi national security that an illiterate named Achmed can clearly make on his own?

We, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quartelry,” can’t argue with such sophisticated logic. On the contrary: We want to recommend another decision in league with the proposal of Team Barton, Crocker, and Cohen: Why allow the editors at The New York Times to determine what arrant piffle they publish on their op-ed page?

We, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” think that the people of Iraq should decide.

Posted at January 20, 2005 12:01 AM | TrackBack