February 22, 2005

Hardly Addictive Around a fortnight

Hardly Addictive

Around a fortnight ago, dear reader, the Official Tax and Revenue Department of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly” took a gander at our annual assets. After all, April is approaching apace, and we wouldn’t want to cheat our good old friend Uncle Sam.

Upon discovering the income that our “Blogspot” advertisements were fetching, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” were simply aghast. Ten measly dollars?! And 35 measly cents?! How could our luminous “weblog” be as much of a financial disaster as the XFL?

At first we thought things may not actually be that bad. For certainly our advertising revenue is greater than, say, Uruguay’s GDP. Still, our deep-pocketed financial backers aren’t going to enjoy finding out that our humble “website” is about as popular as genital warts.

After nearly minutes of a-fussin’ and a-fumin’, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” decided to check out the advertising for our “website,” to see if anything was remiss.

Something is remiss, alright. In fact, as our dear friend Misspent mentioned on his luminous “weblog,” our advertisements are abysmal. They’re galactically wretched. They’re the Internet equivalent of Howard the Duck.

And what, you may be asking yourself, makes these “Blogspot” adverts so irksome? We, as always, are glad you asked. In fact, it’s your curious mind that makes us so attracted to you in the first place.

We hardly know where to begin. First, we suppose, we ought to mention the fact that “Blogspot” appears to place any old advertisement on our “website,” as if somehow we’re likely to attract oodles and oodles of hacky-sack purchasers. We mean, come on: What kind of a hemp-wearing operation do you take this for?

Allow us to offer a few examples. A few days ago, our humble “website” was featuring “Women of WWII War Posters.” Hmmm. We hardly know what to say in response. Has “Blogspot” somehow confused us with Rosie-the-Riveter.com?

And who the heck would want such items? Why not hawk tasty Microwave Pork Rinds instead? Or how about guides to Turkish grammar? Or how about a four pack of rhetorical questions?

Until “Blogspot” offers our readers some sensible advertisements—for such products as The Complete Works of Isaac Babel, Colt 45, and Vaseline—we can’t blame ourselves for our financial straits.

Posted at February 22, 2005 12:01 AM | TrackBack