April 06, 2005

The Second Annual Week of

The Second Annual Week of Loathing: “Dialogue”

Anal readers of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly”—and let’s face it, that’s all of us—no doubt realize that April 4-10, 2004 marked the First Annual Week of Loathing. In these younger days of our humble “weblog,” we spent a solid seven days excoriating the most noxious, pernicious things we could think of (Gillette, the word “moist,” &c.).

Unfortunately, the Official Calendar Department here at “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly” was (figuratively and literally) out to lunch at the last staff meeting, and thus we have inadvertently missed the start of the Second Week of Loathing.

To make matters worse, our malefic middle-management won’t pay overtime anymore, thanks to our inscrutably poor fourth-quarter blogspot advertisement revenue. Accordingly, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quartelry,” like bankers, don’t do weekends.

What, you may ask yourself, has this left us? Well, for those of you keeping track—and let’s face it, that’s all of us—we can embark on the Second Annual Three Days of Loathing That, Before Budget Cuts, Used To Be Called the Week of Loathing (April 6-8, 2005).

Our Official Longwinded, Overstuffed, Protracted, Tedious Title Department, however, considered this prospective title for this three-day event overlong. (Yes, we know what you are thinking: Our Official Longwinded, Overstuffed, Protracted Tedious Title Department did name itself.)

As a result, dear reader, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” are content to offer you our Second Annual Week of Loathing (April 6-8, 2005). Sure, it’s only three days. But that’s a heck of a lot longer than a PhD program at the University of Nevada at Las Vegas.

Given the shortness of this demi-week’s Week of Loathing, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” decided that we would really go all out with our obloquy. We’re going to pull out all the stops.

We mean it. Cue the Peter Cetera music; it’s time to rip something apart mercilessly, and we need some inspirational tunes to get us going.

We know what you are asking yourself, dear reader: What is so loathsome that it deserves Honorary First Excoriation in the Second Annual Week of Loathing (April 6-8, 2005)? We think we have just the thing: The word “dialogue.”

For those of you blissfully unacquainted with the modern university system, allow us to inform you that “dialogue” is the new “diversity.” It’s the new term that gets college administrators all atwitter. It’s this year’s latest meaningless buzzword.

“Diversity,” in American university parlance, means “an array of upper-income people of a variety of skin tones, all of whom parrot the same moronic left-wing shibboleths.” Similarly, our friends in the ivory tower translate “dialogue” as “an opportunity for college students to discuss any topic of political or cultural import, provided they cling to mindless far-left platitudes.”

Naturally, college administrators and like-minded (i.e., neo-Marxist) faculty members never admit what “diversity” and “dialogue” really mean. They prefer the sunny nebulousness of the terms, and allow them to mask the deviousness implicit in them.

No longer. As part of the Second Annual Week of Loathing (April 6-8, 2005), we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” aim to destroy the word “dialogue.”

We aim to make it about as popular as “thither,” “higgledy-piggledy,” and “hugger-mugger.” We aim to make it as much a part of the contemporary academic argot as the word “tergiversation” is with 50 Cent.

How are we going to accomplish this, you ask? Why, by sending free “Dialogue” T-shirts to Pat Buchanan, of course. Once he wears one on “Meet the Press,” college administrators will be compelled to switch to a new insipid word of the year.

Posted at April 6, 2005 12:01 AM | TrackBack