April 05, 2005

The Bash Rehash

The Bash Rehash

In our last post, dear reader, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” offered a truncated description of our First Annual Celebrate Our Anniversary in Style Party. Given our generally wretched post-soiree condition, however, we could only muster up the gumption to discuss the fete in brief.

Today’s post, then, aims to offer you, the poor sods who could not attend this bash, a more detailed glimpse at the gathering Joan Rivers has called “the most important cultural event since the invention of the remote control.”

First, dear reader, a bit more of an explication of the surroundings. The entire ballroom floor was covered with gorgeous saffron plush carpeting—except for the dance floor, of course. In an homage to Gloria Steinem, the middle of the room housed an enormous salt-water tank filled with fish on bicycles.

The entire ballroom, in addition, was wrapped by Christo, and rapped by MC Hammer. It was, as Liberace would have called it, simply sublime.

But enough about the scenery, you say. Get on to the guests!

As you can imagine, dear reader, in addition to various swank celebrities—Carrot Top, the Dell guy, the 230 pounds Jared from Subway lost—numerous members of the “weblogging” community were present.

For instance, the Llamabutchers were among the first to arrive. Well, to be more accurate, Rob showed up with his beautiful wife, but Steve-O (who hasn’t posted in about a decade) was replaced by guest-llama Kathy. Having crawled high up the greasy totem pole that is the world of the “weblog,” Rob and Kathy were naturally turning some heads.

In fact, we heard that Paul Newman, giddy as a schoolgirl, approached Rob in the men’s bathroom, and accosted him for an autograph. Rob reportedly responded that he wouldn’t do a favor for a man who was associated with “Stakeout 2.”

Nor were the Llamabutchers the only attractions. Rather, Dr. Rusty Shakelford came to the bash, flanked by a bodyguard that would put Prince to shame. Apparently, Google has launched a fatwa on Dr. Rusty, who’s become the Salman Rushdie of the Internet (only with talent, of course).

And let’s not forget everyone’s favorite Cranky Neocon. Good old Gordo made quite a splash in his the-one-suit-Richard-Perle-owns outfit.

About halfway through the party, Sister Sadie arrived, clad in a divine fistful-of-fortnights gown. By her side strolled the Maximum Leader himself. He wore an all-red suit, and passed out cards that read “Naked Villany: It’ll Make You Go Partially Blind.”

We realize, dear reader, that you want to know if some of the Internet bigwigs were in attendance: Glenn Reynolds, Andrew Sullivan, the guy who writes a “weblog” about monkeys, et al.

No. Apparently they couldn’t make it.

Posted at April 5, 2005 12:01 AM | TrackBack