The Second Annual Week of

The Second Annual Week of Loathing: Geico

As a result, the rest of the crack young staff told the Official Calendar Department to find a cliff and go take a leap. (Leap year. You get it? Admittedly, it’s not very good, but how many calendar gags are both humorous and august, may we ask?)

Anyway, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” have decided to let bygones be bygones. In addition, we’ve decided to let fish be fish. And to let stones be stones. It’s part of our whole “Let Things Be What They Are” attitude.

Without further ado, then, we are pleased to present another installment in our Second Annual Week of Loathing (April 6-8, 2005). Our topic for today, you ask? Geico.

As any humanoid unfortunate enough to have viewed three minutes of television in the past few years knows, Geico is some sort of automobile insurance company that spends more on television advertising than France spends on hair tonic. In fact, Geico spends more on television advertising than Ted Danson spends on hairpieces. In fact, Geico spends more on television advertising than Robert Downey Jr. spends on drugs.

You get the idea.

Nary a minute goes by on the old boob tube without a Geico commercial. It’s as if Geico is attempting some sort of “A Clockwork Orange” means of gaining customers.

Naturally, dear reader, most of these Geico television spots are atrocious. Watching a gecko dance “the robot” doesn’t exactly scream “effective,” now does it? As far as we’re concerned, merely making a gecko the symbol of Geico’s advertising campaign is moronic enough to warrant a boycott of the insurance giant.

All right, dear reader, we’ll admit it: That “tiny house” Geico ad was fairly clever—the first 38 times we saw it. But, heck, pretty much anything but the music of Philip Glass and John Adams get vexatious after the first 38 times you experience it.

So, if any of the geniuses behind the Geico commercials are among our readers—and, given our massive readership, that’s bloody likely—we have the following announcement.

We know that, with Geico, we can save 15 percent or more on our car insurance. But we’re still not going to switch to your rancid company.

If you’re also irked by Geico’s incessant advertising, join us in our ostracism of this advertising behemoth. Principled people brought down Apartheid in South Africa, and they can bring down another moral monster.