April 11, 2005

Reminiscing Readers of “The Hatemonger’s


Readers of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly” who are unfortunate enough to have lived through the decade-long fashion disaster known as the 1970s (or, as we prefer, the Jimmy Carter Experience) may recall that the title of today’s humble post is also the name of a monstrously wretched soft-rock tune by the Little River Band.

We, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” assure you that this is purely coincidental. On a totally unrelated note, last night we went dancing in the dark and walking through the park.

Anyway, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” have entitled today’s momentous lucubration “Reminiscing” because we have been in a rather contemplative mood of late.

And why, you may be asking yourself, have we had such a penchant for cogitation? To be honest, we’re not entirely sure. Maybe we’ve been coming to terms with our own mortality. Maybe our constant exposure to Bruce Springsteen’s monstrously wretched rock tune “Glory Days” has got us thinking. Maybe we couldn’t come up with a better idea for a post.

Whatever the reason, dear reader, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” have spent the last few days at the office pondering some of life’s most vexatious and important questions. Such as:

“What is the true purpose of life?”
“How can God allow us to inhabit a world filled with so much pain?”
“Are those real breasts?”

You know, the big questions. After well nigh three days of brainstorming, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” have come up with the following desultory list of thoughts. Some of them will impress acquaintances at cocktail parties. Others will make you a hit with the ladies. And McGuyver can combine them with a wrapper from a piece of chewing gum and turn them into a bomb.

So, without any further ado, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” would like to share our random musings with you. It’s our way of saying “Here, read these things until we come up with a better idea for a post.”

“The Hatemonger’s Quarterly” Official List of Tepid Reflections:

1. We will never fly an airline called Air Lingus for the same reason that we won’t fly an airline called Air Llatio.

2. We wonder whether King Hussein’s airline is called Air Jordan. Would that be some kind of copyright infringement?

3. Tito Jackson’s career is really in the crapper.

4. Whereas Charles Ives became a more beloved composer after his death, this is unlikely to be the case with Yanni.

5. Our “Hatemonger’s Quarterly” automatic spell-checker does not recognize the word “Yanni,” and this, we feel, is one of the prime reasons to believe in the existence of God.

6. Paul Krugman is the un-thinking man’s Joe Pesci.

Posted at April 11, 2005 12:01 AM | TrackBack