April 12, 2005

A Police State of Mind

A Police State of Mind

A few days ago, dear reader, a correspondent from our Greensboro (NC) office sent us the Fall 2004 number of the incendiary broadsheet Cop Watch. Like pretty much every citizen in these here United States of America, we hadn’t heard of Cop Watch. Yet, unlike pretty much every citizen in these here United States of America, we desperately pined to peruse its contents.

And what a delightful rag it is! The editor of said publication, who goes by the nom de guerre Shorty Six String, mistakenly refers to the publication as the “Spring 2004 edition” in the very first sentence of his introduction to the reader.

As far as we’re concerned, any publication under the aegis of a fellow named “Shorty Six String” who doesn’t know the time of year is bound to be a dynamite read.

And Cop Watch is most assuredly a delightful publication. It appears to be dedicated to destroying the evil pigs who purportedly protect average citizens, but merely work for the corrupt capitalist cronies.

You know, the police.

Accordingly, dear reader, the magazine is simply chalk-a-block with all kinds of information on the baneful folks who claim to “protect and serve.” As far as the writers for Cop Watch are concerned, they spend most of their time killing babies.

An advertisement on the back page of this particular installment of the journal informed us that we had missed what was surely one of the most pleasant holidays of the year. It reads:

The 9th annual National Day of Protest to Stop Police Brutality, Repression, and the Criminalizationn [sic] of a Generation—Friday, October 22nd, 2004

Why should YOU act on October 22nd? “Silence is the voice of complicity.” The nationwide epidemic of police brutality and repression is hidden from many people who would be outraged if they knew what was happening. Many people have become apprehensive about reprisals for protesting in today’s political climate.

The advertisement goes on in this vein at some length. It ends with a mention of the protest “website,” and the following rousing peroration:

We must say loudly and clearly, “We don’t want your kind of safety—there ain’t no safety in a police state!” No More Stolen Lives! Fight Back! On October 22nd, Wear Black!!

We know what you are thinking, dear reader: Wow. That must have been an inspiring event.

But, to be honest, we were left a bit perplexed by the advertisement. For example, what if you are desperately opposed to Police Brutality and Repression, but find the Criminalizationn [sic] of a Generation hunky dory? Should you go to the protests but wear charcoal gray?

In addition, we didn’t quite understand why a police state was termed our “kind of safety.” What the heck do the organizers know about us? Granted, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” are big fans of Francisco Franco’s penal techniques. But how in the good Lord’s name did Shorty Six String discover this? Who is this brilliant clairvoyant, Shorty Six String?

We, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” were also pleased to read that our friends at Cop Watch are sufficiently thoughtful to regard the USA as one giant police state.

With such impressive acumen, we are certain that the staff of Cop Watch will soon realize the correct month and year.

Posted at April 12, 2005 12:01 AM | TrackBack