April 21, 2005

Marxism—Now New and Improved!

Marxism—Now New and Improved!

A lot of residents of these here United States of America are tired with politics as usual. They can’t stand the constant carping of sundry Democrats and Republicans. This one wants a tax cut. That one wants euthanasia. This one’s Hillary Clinton. Blah, blah, blah.

May we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” recommend you take a gander at one of America’s blossoming third parties? The Christian Falangist Party, the Prelapsarian Jungists of America—there’s so much to choose from.

Or, as our grammatical sticklers would put it, there’s so much from which to choose.

Anyway, dear reader, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” had reason to reflect upon this anew when a longtime confidant sent us word of something called the New Marxist Revolutionary Party. And what, you may be asking yourself, is the New Marxist Revolutionary Party?

Clearly, you are saying to yourself, it’s far more than a memorable and pronounceable acronym (NMRP).

Well, dear reader, we’ll let one Kevin Freeman, the guru of NMRP, explain it himself. His “website” offers a unique look into a political party that is sure to take this country by storm.

Below you’ll find part of Mr. Freeman’s description of his pet party, to which we have affixed our own humble commentary:

The purpose of The New Marxist Revolutionary Party is more to educate and organize than to actually function as a political party in America’s tainted democracy.

Thanks for your input, Mr. Freeman. Where, exactly, does splitting an infinitive in the introductory sentence explaining your new revolutionary party fit in? If it’s an important goal, then you have done just fine. Although American democracy seems pretty healthy, your grammar is sure tainted.

The goal of the New Marxists is to incite revolution and social change across the globe.

Interesting. But this all makes us wonder: What was the goal of the Old Marxists? If we recall correctly, it was roughly the same as Mr. Freeman’s goals. And—though we can’t remember our school days too well—we seem to recall that the Old Marxism didn’t go very well. Something about the murder of millions upon millions of people. Anyway, Mr. Freeman might want to look into it.

This page contains links on how to join or contact the party, what you can do to make a difference, flyers and pictures, meaningful quotes, and current news stories on the communist struggle. Please…CHOOSE PEOPLE OVER PROFIT!

Oh, drat. If only Mr. Freeman had told us this last week. Just a few days ago, we chose profit.

Silly us.

Posted at April 21, 2005 12:01 AM | TrackBack