May 06, 2005

We (heart) Your Vagina

We (heart) Your Vagina

A few days ago, dear reader, one of the senior editors here at “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly”—let’s just call him “Chip”—saw a bumper sticker that intrigued him. It read: “Feminism Is the Radical Idea That Women Are People.”

Gee, “Chip” thought to himself. Does the owner of this vehicle know anything about the feminist movement? As far as we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” can tell, modern feminism—or postmodern feminisms, if you prefer—has very little to do with establishing the fact that women are human beings.

In fact, not even so-called first wave feminism was dead-set on determining the “humanness” of women; those who opposed it didn’t tend to think women were monkeys, after all. Or even head lice.

So how could any sentient person believe that Women’s Studies professors who are constantly nattering on about the “dyadic mirror phase” and the “male gaze” believe that these cranks are merely suggesting that women are human?

We, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” had reason to reflect on this anew when we took a gander at an eye-catching news item. In its entirety, it reads as follows:


WINONA, MN. – Two high school students have been suspended for wearing buttons that proclaim “I (heart) My Vagina.” The buttons were apparently inspired by the show, “The Vagina Monologues.”

Student Carrie Rethlefsen saw the show last month. Afterwards, she and her fellow student, Emily Nixon, began wearing the buttons at school. The ACLU has offered to help the students fight the consequences of their actions.

In addition, over 100 students have shown their support for girls by ordering t-shirts that read, “I Love My Vagina” as well as, “I Support Your Vagina.”

We, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quartelry,” are bold enough to postulate that this fiasco has more to do with (post)modern feminism(s) than that whole “Women Are Human Beings” thesis.

And that’s too bad, as far as we’re concerned. For, informal polling around the office water-cooler has determined that pretty much every member of the crack young staff—male and female alike—thinks that women are people. Ted was the lone dissenter, but his notion that women are some strange feline-reptile hybrid didn’t convince anyone.

Now, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” don’t want to leave those people of the feminine persuasion with the misimpression that we don’t want them to (heart) their vaginas. And we, just like granny panties, support your vagina.

But why should women only (heart) their vaginas? Why stick to using one suit in the deck?

We, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” believe that those rabid teenage feminists in Winona, Minnesota should print up a few other T-shirts, with slogans such as:

“I (spade) My Vagina”


“I (club) My Vagina.”

Now there’s some slogans Bridget Newman could support.

Posted at May 6, 2005 12:01 AM | TrackBack