The Noam Chomsky Outsourcing Scandal

The Noam Chomsky Outsourcing Scandal

No matter how odious a dictatorship, no matter how disgraceful a regime, Mr. Chomsky is in love with it—provided it has a suitable distaste for America, and its proxy state, Israel.

Smarmy humanities graduate students ineluctably have an infatuation with Mr. Chomsky. They are too enraptured by Baudrillard to know who Pol Pot is, so what’s wrong if Mr. Chomsky has pleasant things to say about the Kmer Rouge? They were pretty good, weren’t they?

Accordingly, various pseudo-avant-garde youngsters are enraptured by Mr. Chomsky’s brazen denunciations of all things American. Mr. Chomsky’s sundry easily-digestible books have become a rite of passage for many of this country’s youth.

His work is the intellectual equivalent of a tongue piercing: It’ll piss off your parents, but it’s totally useless.

In order to demonstrate his deep regard for the poor and oppressed, Mr. Chomsky calls the tony purlieus of Lexington, Massachusetts his home. Sure, he’s hell-bent on an anarchist revolution and all, but he doesn’t actually want to live near poor people. The impoverished are so very sordid.

In short, Mr. Chomsky may prefer the mullocracy of Iran to the “democracy” of the United States, but he also desires to inhabit a town in which one can find a good latte. Even ultra-radical anarchists like smoothies, we suppose.

We, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quartelry,” had reason to reflect on Mr. Chomsky’s career as a radical agitator anew when we took a gander at his “official website,” Chomsky.info.

Frankly, dear reader, we were shocked by what we found. As a card-carrying left-wing political extremist, Mr. Chomsky naturally loathes outsourcing as much as most Americans loathe Lou Dobbs.

And yet, dear reader, Mr. Chomsky has outsourced his own “official website.” As Chomsky.info makes clear, the fledgling “website” is run by a swarthy, shaggy-maned Italian named Pablo Stafforini. Upsetting, isn’t it?

Mr. Stafforini, whose own “webpage” makes clear that he’s the perfect example of a self-impressed tyro, has taken to running Mr. Chomsky’s “official website” for him. And we bet that this poor wog isn’t even being paid.

The Grand Old Man of the radical Left has outsourced his “website” to some intellectually impoverished Italian? How unspeakable!

We, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” officially demand that Mr. Chomsky hire an American worker for his “website.” As any academic knows these days, left-wing professors use their own graduate students as slave labor—not narcissistic Italians.