June 22, 2005

Masturbation—Intellectual and Otherwise

Masturbation—Intellectual and Otherwise

As everyone on God’s green earth undoubtedly realizes, this past year hasn’t exactly been an annus mirabilis for academia. Whether it’s a pseudo-Indian professor likening the victims of 9/11 to a Nazi war criminal or an unrepentant terrorist slated to teach a course on “activism,” these have been dark days for our pals in American higher education.

Just when we thought colleges couldn’t get any sillier, we received notice about a particularly rebarbative event that took place on the confines of the Duke University campus. One of our shadowy contacts from this Harvard of the South has kindly sent us a “link” to the following advertisement, which pertains to a splendid activity we just missed:

Exploring Your Pleasure!

Graduate and Professional Women’s Network (GPWN). Do you know how to pleasure your body? Join GPWN as Laura Poole, Duke alumna and local area speaker, leads us in an open discussion about women’s sexuality, masturbation, and ways to explore your pleasure. Laura will bring sample products to facilitate our discussion. Dinner will be provided. Sorry guys, but this one is for ladies only.

Please RSVP to gpwn@duke.edu to ensure sufficient food is ordered. Women-identified individuals only!

A rather odd advertisement, is it not?

We, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” have long realized that graduate students are connoisseurs of “intellectual masturbation,” but we didn’t know that they had so much trouble with the other kind. That, we hasten to add, is what an English professor would call irony.

All the same, we are delighted that the Powers That Be at the Graduate and Professional Women’s Network saw this delightful get-together as fully worthy of student funds. We collectively can’t wait until the Graduate and Professional Men’s Network offers its own “Circle Jerk Seminar.” (Get it? Seminar?)

We wondered, however, what products the talented Laura Poole brought along with her. A weed-whacker? A lawn mower? Copies of Judith Butler’s latest works?

It’s particularly delicious that this event was open to “women-identified individuals only.” Sure, the male members of the crack young staff pined to “identify” as women for one short evening.

More to the point, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” think it proves difficult to consider any graduate student females as “women-identified.” If you’ve ever caught a glimpse of them on the street, “women” wouldn’t be your first descriptive term of choice, now would it?

Posted at June 22, 2005 12:01 AM | TrackBack