July 14, 2005

No, We Are Not All

No, We Are Not All Palestinians

On the very day of the terrorist attacks in London—or, as our friends at the BBC would say, the “bombing attacks”—we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” announced our Official Worst Bumper Sticker Contest. Given the murderous acts in Britain, however, the response to our new competition was a tad lukewarm.

To be sure, dear reader, a few entries to our humble contest have trickled in. And yet, we hope to exhort you to submit more fetching exempla of horrendous bumper stickers. After all, if they can successfully demolish our contest, then the terrorists have most surely won.

Accordingly, dear reader, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” have spent the better part of the last few days hunting for particularly appalling bumper stickers, in the hopes that our discussion of such vehicular eyesores will compel you to enter our humble competition.

Just yesterday, one of the junior editors here at “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly”—let’s just call him “Chip”—happened upon a curious bumper sticker whilst driving to work in his crack young Honda Civic. Splashed on the back of an old Volkswagen, the sticker in question read: “We Are All Palestinians.”

At first, “Chip” found this back-bumper bromide a tad confusing. Unless “Chip” had done far worse in middle-school geography than he recalled, it didn’t seem possible that “We Are All Palestinians.” Maybe the owner of this automobile was complaining about the vicissitudes of Palestinian imperialism?

But then “Chip” thought that the bumper sticker might be some sort of allegory. You know, it’s like Le Monde’s famous statement that “We Are All Americans,” which was cleverly placed in a newspaper that never misses an opportunity to broadcast anti-Americanism.

As far as we were concerned, though, the allegory is fatuous. After all, We Are All Canadians, too, but that doesn’t mean too darn much—other than we all have really splendid healthcare, that is.

We don’t mean to be arch, but We Are All Israelis, too, although we have the distinct impression that the owner of this Volkswagen (a rather interesting choice of cars for such a rabid fan of the Palestinians) would not like to be reminded of it.

After taking a gander at this abysmal vehicular blight, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” pined to offer our response to it: “We Are Not All Michael Moore, But, If You Put Us All on a Scale Together, We Are Roughly the Same Weight.” It’s not particularly catchy, but it has the added bonus of being true.

So, dear reader, if you think you have happened upon a more annoying bumper sticker, send us a “link” to an advertisement for said sticker, by clicking the “Contact Us” sign at the top right-hand of your computer screen.

You may all be Palestinians, but you all are not going to win this contest.

Posted at July 14, 2005 12:01 AM | TrackBack