August 12, 2005

Detroit Is Blue Many of

Detroit Is Blue

Many of our lefty friends often prattle on about the comparatively cosmopolitan nature of the Blue States. As far as they’re concerned, states that lean Democrat are chic, and states that lean Republican are hellholes. Sure, argue our left-wing chums, you can call yourselves conservative, but you wouldn’t want to live in Iowa, now would you?

We don’t know about you, dear reader, but we don’t think we can argue with that impeccable logic. As we have long known, many locales in these here United States are well-nigh uninhabitable.

They’re not as wretched as, say, Cuba, or sundry other countries our pals on the Left champion. But they aren’t so peachy either, and we might as well be honest about it.

Yet fans of Red-State politics finally have something for which to cheer, if a report from the seldom-read Washington Times is correct. According to said article, some no-name polling outfit, employing state-of-the-art techniques, has determined beyond a shadow of a doubt what is the most liberal city in the country.

Our friends on the political Left may want to sit down for this one. It isn’t pleasant. The answer is Detroit, Michigan.

We know what you’re thinking: That’s cosmopolitan? We wouldn’t move to Detroit if you paid us! That city is much like East Timor, with more rubble, and without all the high culture. And with more Muslims.

Alas, dear reader, it doesn’t get any better from there. Our pollsters report that the second-most lefty city is Gary, Indiana. You know: The rancid Nowheresville Ron Howard crooned about in The Music Man, before he played Richie Cunningham.

Gosh, that’s grim. We didn’t even know Gary, Indiana was a city, for crying out loud. It sounds much more like a punch-line. Any place that makes Indianapolis look like San Francisco is miserable in our collective book.

So, dear reader, the next time one of your NPR (National Palestinian Radio) pals blathers on about the superiority of left-leaning America, we humbly suggest that you buy him a one-way ticket either to Detroit or Gary.

In Detroit, he’ll be welcomed with a warm beating and mugging. And in Gary, he’ll be bored to death. Either way, he’ll surely get his comeuppance.

Posted at August 12, 2005 12:01 PM | TrackBack