August 11, 2005
The Rolling Stones Gather Some
The Rolling Stones Gather Some Moss
As has recently been reported throughout Al Gore’s World-Wide Web, a crusty antiquarian curiosity known as the Rolling Stones has recently garnered some publicity for a politically-tinged rock-n-roll number entitled “Sweet Neo Con.”Apparently, the superannuated, wrinkly limeys who make up the Rolling Stones figured that they needed a media fracas to enliven their upcoming American tour, since so many of their fans have checked in to assisted living facilities, and hence won’t be able to “rock out” like they did in the old days.
As far as we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” are concerned, the Rolling Stones—like all rock-n-roll musicians—are somewhere below Al-Qaeda and above belly-button lint on the list of the world’s sundry irritations. Accordingly, we shall not be purchasing the band’s latest album in the hopes of taking in the learned musings of the human Slim Jim known as Mick Jagger.
To be honest, however, it is nice to see that the Rolling Stones aren’t too sodden with drink and drug to bone up on a little Leo Strauss reading. Does anyone else relish the thought of Keith Richards dropping his heroin needle and rushing over to a stack of Norman Podhoretz tomes? And is Mick enjoying that stack of Weekly Standard issues that must sit at his bedside, next to his pictures of his homosexual love trysts with a dilapidated David Bowie?
Good questions, those. Frankly, though, the reports we have seen on the ditty called “Sweet Neo Con” lead us to believe that the Rolling Stones haven’t been knee-deep in Jeane Kirkpatrick articles of late.
In fact, as the pseudo-humorist Maureen Dowd reports from her perch atop The New York Times, the song blasts President Bush as a “hypocrite” for calling himself a Christian. Apparently, the only foreign policy a Christian would support is allowing Saddam Hussein to murder and terrorize his people with impunity. As the bumper stickers say, that’s What Jesus Would Do.
Ms. Dowd, in a typical display of her comedic artistry, has even re-named the song “Unsweet Neo Cons.” Awfully funny, n’est pas? No wonder she’s landed such a prestigious job. No affirmative action here.
If we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” recall correctly, the Rolling Stone named Keith Richards was featured in a number of public service announcements, in which he exhorted American children to stay away from drugs. If this isn’t hypocrisy, we collectively don’t know what is.
