Intolerance, Eh News junkies have

Intolerance, Eh

Penned by Clifford Kraus, the little snippet, culled from the “World Briefing” section of the Gray Lady, goes a little something like this:

CANADA: SHARIAH PROPOSAL PROTESTED Demonstrators in Toronto, other parts of Canada and a number of European cities marched to oppose a two-year-old proposal being considered by Ontario provincial leaders to allow the use of Shariah, or Islamic law, to settle family disputes. Traditional Muslims argue that they should have the same rights as Jews and Christians to settle issues like divorce and inheritence among themselves. The provincial Liberal government is split on the proposal, which would make Ontario the first jurisdiction in a Western democracy to make Shariah part of its legal system despite criticism that it discriminates against women.

Simply delicious, isn’t it? We, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” have long despised our faux friends to the north—those snooty Canucks who prattle on and on about the purported evils of America.

In addition, as many undoubtedly recognize, Canada is the epicenter of the multicultural movement. Accordingly, it’s perfectly apt that the grand old 51st state must deal with the niceties of Sharia. Where’s that warm embrace of other cultures about which Canada is so self-righteously proud?

Well, apparently it's nowhere to be found. As was reported in yesterday’s edition of the Times, Ontario officially refused to allow Muslims in the province to solve disputes through recourse to Sharia law. That makes our chilly friends in Canada a bunch of oppressive fascists, if you ask us.

Now, before we are deluged with hate mail from all three non-lupine residents of Northwest Territories, let us make it crystal clear that we don’t despise all Canadians. In our few days on this earth, we have been fortunate enough to meet literally dozens of Canadians, and they are mostly a pleasant bunch, regardless of their political persuasion.

All the same, darn near every American, we’d gather, has stumbled upon the Irksome Canadian (Canadianus incommodus). This peevish fellow harps and harpies on the horrors of the country directly to the south of beloved Canada. Americans, thinks the Irksome Canadian, are boorish barbarians. (This from a country that has given the world Bryan Adams and Loverboy, for crying out loud.)

Well, okay, Captain Canuck: Since you’re so darn cosmopolitan, and have such indefatigable love for all cultures, please explain to the Yanks why Sharia is not kosher in Canada (if we may mix our metaphors). Who are you, o beauteous examples of multiculturalism, to pass judgment on Islamic law? Why can’t Muslims commit honor killings in good ole’ Canada?

Come on, you hosers. How dare you “Other” the Muslims in this way! How chauvinistic! How retrograde! How—in a word—American!