September 12, 2005

The Death of a Crush

The Death of a Crush

Many moons ago—as our ancestors used to say—we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” professed our love for a paragon of foreheadless pulchritude. Naturally, dear reader, we are referring to the Yahoo Mail Girl, the gorgeous creature who greeted Yahoo Mail users as they “logged in” to their accounts.

Or, we should say, the gorgeous creature who used to greet Yahoo Mail users as they “logged in” to their accounts. As many users of Al Gore’s World-Wide Web have undoubtedly recognized, the evil corporate fat cats at Yahoo have replaced this fetching vixen with a cavalcade of blasé faces.

As far as we’re concerned, this is a far greater blight on the American business community than Enron. Sure, those greedy bastards blithely ruined lives. But, by taking away the photo of this paragon of beauty, Yahoo has surely destroyed a little part of us all.

It is certainly bad enough that we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” will forever miss our Yahoo Femme Fatale. To make matters worse, the pictures in place of our favorite are insultingly poor.

At first, of course, the astute may suspect that the powers that be at Yahoo found the Yahoo Mail Girl unsuitably “diverse.” Although you couldn’t see her full face, what was visible was most assuredly white. Maybe she had a black elbow, or a Latina forearm. But we collectively doubt it.

Even so, the removal of this glorious creature does not appear to be the work of Yahoo’s “diversi-crats.” It appears as if the new pictures are of people pretty much equally lily white as our pretty Yahoo Mail Girl.

So, what gives? Frankly, dear reader, we haven’t a clue. And we’re mad as heck.

In fact, we’re suitably cross to get off our collective lazy posterior and do something about it. Taking a page out of Cindy Sheehan’s playbook, we’ve decided to camp out at the doorsteps of Yahoo executives, and demand that they talk to us.

Why, we’ll ask, was such a charming creature removed from our sight? How can the management at Yahoo be so unspeakably cruel? Perhaps we’ll even add a Cindy Sheehan query: Why doesn’t Israel leave those peaceable Palestinians alone?

To be honest, dear reader, we’ll vote for any presidential candidate who promises to bring the Yahoo Mail Girl back.

Posted at September 12, 2005 12:01 AM | TrackBack