The Glorious Benefits of Media Bias

Rip-roarin’ right-wing commentator Mark Steyn once observed that so-called liberal media bias—though the bugbear of American conservatives—actually hurts leftists. As far as Steyn is concerned, the left-wing cast of the mainstream media serves to insulate Democrats from public opinion, thereby providing for all manner of electoral losses.

We, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” can see what Mr. Steyn means. In fact, we think that the current unraveling of Sen. Barack Obama (D-Bromides) is a perfect case in point of the problems media bias offers to the Left.

After all, for umpteen months now, the mainstream media have resolutely refused to treat Sen. Obama with anything less than embarrassing deference. Whilst blown-dry popinjays like the faintly orange Brian Williams peppered Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-Pants Suit) with myriad obnoxious “gotcha” pseudo-queries, they tended to offer nothing but softballs to Sen. Obama.

Hence Sen. Obama cruised to electoral success on the wings of his soaring rhetoric, despite the obvious fact that said rhetoric consists almost entirely of mindless platitudes. Obama, you see, is for “change” and “bi-partisanship.” Wow: So are we. Does he also support puppies and sunsets? If so, his political inclinations are uncannily akin to those of the crack young staff.

So we suppose that should compel us to cast our ballots for this preening paleo-liberal. Sure, his voting record may be slightly to the Left of Eugene Debs, but he sure talks a good centrist game. And what’s so scary about the Left? If we recall correctly, Jimmy Carter was an amazingly successful president. Just ask those Iranian hostages.

But wait: Once the folks at “Saturday Night Live” began to parody the media’s fawning coverage of Sen. Obama, the journalists finally started to ask some tough questions and to probe beneath the surface. And, as it turns out, Sen. Obama isn’t the Dream Candidate after all. Who would have thunk it?

Naturally, much ink has been spilled on the topic of Sen. Obama’s favorite preacher, (Ir)Rev. Jeremiah Wright. This 20-year veteran of Sen. Obama’s good graces winds up being something of an angry, racist radical nutter. He makes Louis Farrakhan seem like a nice guy—or at least like a nice dresser. (Snappy bowtie, Minister Evil).

Now, dear reader, you may not want to take our collective words on this score. After all, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” are merely “typical white people.” As such, you just might figure that we don’t take kindly to all that Kill Whitey rhetoric. Silly us.

Even so, it is crystal clear that Sen. Obama isn’t the white Democrat’s Great Semi-Black Hope after all. In fact, it turns out that Sen. Hillary Clinton may well be the stronger candidate. But it seems as if it’s too late for her. Oh, drat.

This could lead to another Republican victory and another instance of perils of left-wing media bias.