Debate This, Feminists

As of this writing, dear reader, the Democratic contenders for the presidency of these here United States of America are soon to take their podiums and begin some high-minded partisan mud-slinging. And we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” think that this is desperately unfair—at least in one particular case.

Allow us to elaborate, if you will. Perhaps you know that Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-Whitewater) finds herself amongst the Democratic candidates. Further, you may well recognize that her rivals’ purported “ganging up” on Sen. Clinton in a previous debate caused a fair amount of feminist hand wringing.

Gee: Feminist hand wringing. That must be the only example of that phenomenon in recent memory. After al, feminists are always so blissfully content.

The men are treating Hillary unfairly, claimed Geraldine Ferraro, who graciously poked her head out from the rock she lives under in order to make this useful remark. Clearly, according to Ms. Ferraro (D-Didn’t Help Mondale), grilling the Democratic front-runner was tantamount to virulent sexism.

And we want to take things one giant step further. If you ask us, Barack Obama, John Edwards, Dennis Kucinich, and those other inveterate males are nothing but a gaggle of modern-day Andy Capps. How dare they challenge a woman!

As a result, we have come to the reasonable conclusion that it is deeply unfair for Sen. Clinton to take part in any debates. After all, she’s a woman: She shouldn’t very well be treated with the same lack of decorum one associates with male political rivals.

Forthwith, we call upon the Democratic National Committee (and Howard Dean, if we recall correctly) to put a stop to this Hillary-Is-Debating nonsense. It’s blatantly misogynistic and absurd.

Sen. Clinton—as a woman—should have the right to wend her way to the White House without being forced to dodge the slings and arrows of outrageous candidates. Such misfortunes are the lot of white men, not women and minorities.

Nor, in the case of Dennis Kucinich, slightly off-kilter elves.

If you don’t agree with us, dear reader, never fear: It’s only because you’re a sexist bastard.