October 05, 2007

Burmese Haze

Okay, things are getting serious. Perhaps, dear reader, you know about the horrible government in Myanmar. If you don’t, there’s a good chance you overdosed on Britney-Spears-lost-her-kids bunk, and you ought to feel mighty bad for yourself. Loser.

So, to keep you up to speed: Apparently, someone renamed Burma “Myanmar.” Frankly, we, like George Orwell, very much prefer Burma; if you ask us, it has a ring to it. But, heck, we still refer to Upper Volta. We like to glottal click it old school.

As it turns out, the folks in charge of this Myanmar are real bastards—tyrants, kleptocrats, fascists, &c. Perhaps even neocons. To demonstrate their evil bona fides, in fact, they’ve been busy beating the garbage out of monks. Man, isn’t that a bitch?

Well, as we mentioned at the start of our humble “post,” things just got one major step worse. As a fellow named Seth Mydans reports in some disreputable intelligence-gathering rag called The New York Times:

It was about as simple and uncomplicated as shooting demonstrators in the streets. Embarrassed by smuggled video and photographs that showed their people rising up against them, the generals who run Myanmar simply switched off the Internet.

We know what you are thinking, dear reader: What? They switched off Al Gore’s Internet? Oh, the nerve!

And this gets us to a far more crucial point. It recently occurred to us that, by switching off the World-Wide Web, the ruthless thugs in Myanmar have deprived their unhappy subjects of one of life’s great pleasures.

We refer, of course, to this humble “weblog.” That’s right: Thanks to the machinations of these insidious generals, every citizen of Myanmar (and a few Burmese folks, to boot) can’t get their daily fix of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly.”

No “Chip,” no chuckles, no rapier wit. Are you thinking what we’re thinking? Yep: It’s high time for a revolution!

Accordingly, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” want to declare our full support for an impending popular revolt against the Myanmar junta. These evil generals have kept our Burmese readers from this humble “weblog” for far too long. Talk about a gross violation of human rights.

Gosh, we hope that the United Nations will do its level best to aid the oppressed, “Hatemonger’s Quarterly”-deprived folks in Myanmar. Given the UN’s track record, we suppose we ought not to worry.

Posted at October 5, 2007 12:01 AM | TrackBack