Censorship, Thy Name is Hugo

As you well know, dear reader, George W. Bush is a fascist. Sure, he pretended to care about so-called terrorism, but he really used 9/11 as a pretext to begin his radical assault on our nation: Killing children; wire-tapping fuzzy bunnies; &c.

Or so you would believe from reading any number of left-wing “weblogs” here on Al Gore’s World-Wide Web. To the fevered lefty mind, George W. Bush is pretty much Mussolini—without the deep regard for archaeology or sartorial splendor.

And, naturally, given the evils of George W. Bush, many of our pals on the radical Left enjoy cheerleading for a world leader who virulently opposes our current Totalitarian-in-Chief. You know, the sort of fellow who champions free speech and dissent, and demonstrates how responsible world leaders ought to act.

Their man? Venezuela’s Hugo Chavez, naturally.

What a great choice, eh? Our left-wing buddies, exasperated by the purported secrecy of the dissent-crushing Bush junta, love saddling up to Saint Hugo, whose desire to stay in power for life only serves as another demonstration of his deep regard for democracy.

We mention this, dear reader, because the media have just reported yet another example of Saint Hugo’s charming open-mindedness. Those Bush-bashing radicals ought to have a great time apologizing for it. In its September 9 number, the editorial page at The Boston Globe reports:

As if Hugo Chavez doesn’t have enough ways to repress his countrymen, a new parliamentary edict has been introduced to prohibit Venezuelan parents from naming their newborns anything other than 100 officially sanctioned Spanish names. Fed up with whimsical, hard-to-pronounce, or politically incorrect monikers such as Haynhecht, Yornaichel, Hochminh, or (horrores!) Kennedy, officials want to go back to basics, according to The New York Times. Supporters of the legislation say it will protect children from ridicule. But efforts to purify cultures have not gone well historically. And what’s next? Venezuela itself is said to have been named by an Italian, Amerigo Vespucci, who in 1399 christened it “Little Venice.” Could “Chavezuala” be far behind?

Ah, Hugo Chavez: Unimpeachable multiculturalist. No wonder our friends on the far Left esteem him so much.

Just imagine if President Bush introduced legislation limiting Americans to 100 acceptably WASPy names for newborns. They’d sure love that, wouldn’t they?

So, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” can’t wait to hear how the pro-Chavez goons will spin this one.