Apartheid as Far as the Eye Can See

Those hip to current arguments about the Middle East are undoubtedly aware of one of the most rancid and dubious tactics of the anti-Israel fanatics. We refer, of course, to likening Israel to Apartheid South Africa.

Although, in a reasonable universe, one might think that such disingenuousness would be confined to no-name crazies, alas it is not. After all, as great an eminence as former President Jimmy Carter has used the A-word when referring to the Jewish state. That means, of course, that both no-name crazies and named crazies have viciously bandied about the Apartheid charge.

Naturally, anyone with even the slightest semblance of gray matter recognizes how absurd and inapt is the labeling of Israel an Apartheid nation. In Israel, of course, non-Jews have the same rights as Jews—and possess far more rights than do Muslims in the countries that surround Israel. The Jewish state, for example, elects Muslim members of Knesset—something you don’t see happening in Saudi Arabia or Syria, now do you?

Further, the anti-Israel nutters who mindlessly charge that Zionism is tantamount to Apartheid routinely defend Muslim regimes that are deeply anti-Jewish and anti-Christian. One can’t even bring a Bible into Saudi Arabia, for crying out loud. But you don’t see the Muslim apologists discussing that.

Since hurling the charge of Apartheid state at Israel is so manifestly nonsensical, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” figured that we could help our radical anti-Zionist crazies by making a few equally stupid comparisons. Heck, if you’re willing to believe that Israel’s existence is tantamount to plumping for Apartheid, you’ll pretty much believe anything.

So, how about these delightful charges?

Apartheid Is Like… A List of Things Moronically Unlike Apartheid by the Crack Young Staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly”

1) Apartheid is like Twinkies. Both have a white creamy filling.
2) Apartheid is like Journey’s power ballad “Faithfully.” They’re both bad.
3) Apartheid is like Cynthia McKinney. Both are unfair to blacks.
4) Apartheid is like Paris Hilton. They’re both stupid.
5) Apartheid is like Vincent van Gough. Both are of Dutch origin.

Well, that’s a pretty savory list of other ostensibly Apartheid-like things and people. We wonder when Jimmy Carter will compose his ridiculous screed entitled Twinkies: Peace Not Apartheid.