The Case for Preemptive Impeachment

As you undoubtedly know, dear reader, lots of our liberal friends are clamoring to impeach President Bush. If you ask us, this is utter foolishness: Our lefty pals really aim to criminalize political disagreements. To them, if an American president is strongly at odds with the “progressive” community, he should be thrown in jail.

Now, of course, our leftist friends pretend that there are real legal issues behind their urge to impeach. You know the whole “argument”: The Bush junta lied our way into the debacle of Iraq, &c. But such sentiments merely amount to partisan takes on recent events and do not demonstrate criminal behavior on the part of the Bush administration.

Frankly, dear reader, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” kind of wish the Democrats would impeach President Bush. That might be the only thing that would revitalize his flagging presidency. After all, the impeachment of President Clinton really served the Republican Congress well, didn’t it?

Still, we have the sense that the Democratic powers-that-be in the Senate and House are too bright to fall for the far Left’s impeachment rhetoric. Even Russ Feingold’s mealy-mouthed call for a presidential censure won’t pass muster.
Hence we’ll have to endure a year more of radical activists bleating about impeachment on unhinged “weblogs” and in the unhinged pages of The Nation. Kind of a depressing thought, is it not?

But we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” think we have an answer to our left-wing pals’ futile impeachment nonsense. We call it Preemptive Impeachment, and, as good neo-conservatives, you can well imagine that we’ll support anything with the word “preemptive” in the title. (Preemptive Billy Joel Slapping—doesn’t sound so bad, does it?)

So, you may reasonably wonder, how does Preemptive Impeachment work? Well, it’s rather simple, actually. Conservative activists must merely get the ball rolling on impeaching the next Democratic president—whoever he or she may be. They can devote their “weblogs” to fanning preemptively the flames of impeachment for whatever leftist gets elected in the future.

The reasons for this Preemptive Impeachment are easy. Conservatives will likely strongly disagree with the policy decisions of the next Democratic president, and thus all they must do is offer the appearance that these forthcoming policy decisions are criminal.

So, whilst our liberal pals are off screaming for Bush’s head, our conservative buddies can clamor for the head of the next Democrat on the chopping block. And, unlike the lefties, the conservatives won’t have to stop their hectoring in 2008. How do you think the “progressives” will like a taste of their own medicine?