August 07, 2007

“The Hatemonger’s Quarterly”—Political Kingmaker?

By now, dear reader, you have undoubtedly heard about the so-called Yearly Kos convention. This particular get-together, which is, interestingly enough, annual, features a bevy of far Left “webloggers” who spend a few days reveling in their love for John Conyers, trading ways to assassinate Republicans, and pining for a bloodbath in Iraq. You know, normal stuff.

But this year was a bit different from most. You see, the presidential election is coming apace, and thus all the Democratic candidates—save Joe Biden—showed up at the Yearly Kos festivities to suck up to the so-called “netroots.” Makes sense, huh: The “netroots” sure treated Ned Lamont well. Thanks to them, Uncle Ned catapulted to a catastrophic defeat in the latest Connecticut election for Senate.

Quite frankly, dear reader, we seldom read the Daily Kos, the popular left-wing “weblog” that, interestingly enough, put on the Yearly Kos event. Although we like our share of crazy left-wing rants, we just don’t find the Daily Kos user-friendly. In order to get to the good (read: Crazy) bits, you have to wade through umpteen dull “posts” about polling data and electoral minutiae. No thanks: Arianna Huffington’s zaniness is just a click away.

Yet the ability of the Yearly Kos gala to draw in almost the entire Democratic field—despite the loud protests of a typically stentorian Bill O’Reilly—struck us as revealing. From our reading of the media reports on the event, the Yearly Kos convention specializes in defrocking and booting out American servicemen. And yet for some reason it’s a tremendous success.

Are you, dear reader, thinking what we’re collectively thinking? You know: A first-annual “Hatemonger’s Quarterly” convention?

Yeah, probably not. We didn’t think you were.

But it could be a complete smash. Just imagine it: A well-coiffed John Edwards stands behind an official “Hatemonger’s Quarterly” podium, speaking into an official “Hatemonger’s Quarterly” microphone and delivering a stump speech on the evils of hypocrisy. Sounds rather good, does it not?

We could even get corporate sponsorship for our convention, until some enraged television pundit (we’re thinking of you, Keith Olbermann) pitches a fit and compels Chia-Pet to drop its erstwhile support. Obama can give a rousing speech about his rousing foreign policy inexperience, and Hillary Clinton can step up to the mic and seem as stiff and wooden as always.

Oh, it’ll be just magical. If only we had about, oh, five hundred thousand more readers a day. Then we’d really be cooking with gas.

Posted at August 7, 2007 12:01 AM | TrackBack