Introducing “The Ideologically-Correct Book for Enlightened and Empowered Children of Nation-Reading Parents”

Like all sentient beings, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” eagerly take in Katha Pollitt’s whiny feminist tracts in The Nation whenever we can lay our hands on them. For sheer muddleheaded obtuseness, we think Ms. Pollitt is up with the best of them. Male or female, she’d be happy to know.

With great relish—and a little dab of mustard—we read Ms. Pollitt’s latest stultum opus, “Anything Boys Can Do….” Hardcore radical that she is, Ms. Pollitt has used this column to inveigh against an obvious threat to civilization: The Dangerous Book for Boys.

If you’re one of the three people on God’s green earth who has yet to hear about this tome, allow us to inform you that it’s a harmless throwback to children’s books of old, instructing its young male pledges on the delights of skipping rocks, learning grammar, and enjoying a synopsis of the Battle of Zama.

Now, it is one of the little pleasures of Ms. Pollitt’s pea-sized intellect that the astute amongst you can already imagine her objections to The Dangerous Book for Boys. In fact, you could likely guess at Ms. Pollitt’s bones-to-pick merely from hearing the work’s title. Of such stuff are feminist “intellectuals” made.

And, yes, you guessed it: Ms. Pollitt greatly dislikes the fact that this book is aimed at boys—and boys alone. What, no girls? Excuse us: No age-challenged women? To our feminist friends, women-only redoubts are a crucial desideratum. Hence we must endure the sight of women’s gyms, women’s book clubs, and—worst of all—Smith College.

But boys-only? That’s strictly taboo for our rabid feminists.

Add to this gender issue the book’s slight whiff of Rudyard-Kipling-esque bravado, and you get a good idea why subscribers to The Nation are highly unlikely to buy a copy of The Dangerous Book for Boys.

Yet this led us to wonder: Don’t Nation readers deserve an activities workbook for their tots? Sure, it’d have to be far more gender neutral—and you can just forget about all that battles and chivalry nonsense. Still, we think that such a book could sell like hotcakes.

And that’s why we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” are prepared to produce The Ideologically-Correct Book for Enlightened and Empowered Children of Nation-Reading Parents. We think it’d really take the wind out of the sails of that Dangerous Book for Boys hokum.

Why, just take a gander at some of our book’s delightful chapters:

-“How To Protest Income Inequality without Exacerbating Global Warming”

-“Travel to Hymie-Town with Jessie Jackson”

Does anyone else smell bestseller?